this is me..this is my life

randomness.

2005-12-30T20:29:00.000+08:00

Note to Self by From First To Last

Secrets don't make friends by From First To Last

Bear's brother is the dude holding the guitar. The one with the nice hair. Haha!! Tiger Lily.

Promise by Matchbook Romance

Beats.Merchant

2005-12-30T20:01:00.000+08:00

Shagged. Tired. Sleepy. Body abit aching.
Got tindih on to the wall. Hit my whole body. Haha! Not even totally moshing but I got hurt in the event. Haha!
Alipo mosh. Scary. But cool! I like!
Ok go! Tomorrow last day using this url. Will be changing soon. ok bye!

mtv's.burned

2005-12-29T11:31:00.000+08:00

I just watched MTV's burned. Though I've watched it so many times, today's really got me thinking. Maybe due to last night's events. I guess. If there is a local MTV's burned, tell me aite? I got a perfect candidate that I want to rat out for being such a player and a BIG ASS LIAR!

Yesterday was fun. Though it was a sit in. Lee came around 5.45pm to initially have a movie marathon. But then, we cancelled that. Haha! Then off we went to enjoy stupid videos on youtube before proceeding to cut our hair. 5 years and then we trust each other with our hairs! Haha! Ouh yeah! I promised Lee to put up this video in my blog. It's totally hilarious. New jamming songs for you guys with a band! Haha!

I have to admit, he's still on my mind always. A day has not passed since I last thought of him. Every time I wake up, he's in my mind. It's like a disease that I can't get rid of. He's bad. I know that. But there's something that makes it hard for me to forget about him. He's a liar but I still trust him. But he knows me better now not to lie to me cause I will always find out the truth. I was shocked he called me yesterday. I told him to come clean. He did. I was disappointed. Behind all he said to me yesterday, he still told me he misses me. I don't know if I should believe that. But let's give him a chance. Something I said to him yesterday made him think. I told him about the readeing Jit gave me. He said, it's true. So yeah, there is something that's preventing him from liking me. I don't know it yet. I decided to send him that message that I composed in the morning when I woke up when we were talking. He finds it sweet. But does nothing about it. Haish. Can someone wake me up? Can someone slap me right across my face for feeling this way? Can someone help me?

I'm.back.again

2005-12-28T16:19:00.000+08:00

I've read all my previous posts. Like in this blog and my previous blog. I realised I love to play mind games with myself. It's true. Kinda annoyed myself by reading all those past entries. Haha! But it was fun reading back what I had to say. My insecurities that I've brought with me till now. I realised I became an angrier person as time passes, more direct and brutal. There came a time where all my entries became more anger-infused. I had no idea. I guess, it kinda reflects on myself. I realised what kind of person I've become. Thanks to all my constant entries and updates. It reminds me that I have to change. The new year is supposed to be about changes. I want to be a happier person next year! Wee~!

Yesterday was fun! Day out with Lee cause we were bored. So went to Peni. Crapped with Shafiq and his friend there. Then off to esplanade. See couples all around making out. We were both disturbing them. We labeled ourselves "The jealous teens". Haha! Then, it started to rain. Took the bus to harbourfront. Talked to ex-colleagues. Loy promised to treat me next week! hehe! Talked to my cousin. Made her jealous that we went to KL. hehe! I don't know why her family didn't follow. Then off to home.
I was feeling alittle bit down yesterday. I felt alone though I was with Lee. Since she is single again, so many people asked her out for the new year. Me? I'm spending it with her. It was a promise anyways. Haha! So far, 3 people have asked her and she rejected all of them. Cause a promise is a promise right? hehe! Well, I got to get ready to welcome Lee and butcher her hair! Wahaha!! Bye

The.Malaysian trip

2005-12-28T13:25:00.000+08:00

Ok, consider this part 2 of the trip. But it's just truckloads of pics. I don't want to post them here. Maybe just a few. Others you can view them here(click)!

Cosmo's world!! Wee~~!! Had such a blast there!

Yes! We saw this at the Plaza tol on KL.

Outside of Masjid Putra.

Waiting for the room in the hotel.

Ok, I got to go. More updates for yesterday later on. See ya!

My.weekend.getaway.for.the.xmas

2005-12-27T14:10:00.000+08:00

Sorry for the lack of updates. Been away to Malaysia the whole weekend. Just came back last night around 8.30pm. So, here's what I did in a nutshell.

Friday: Went out with Lee, Meow2, Wan mok and his frens to town. It was awhile before I had to head off for home and leave for Malaysia. Went off at 10pm. Slept over at Acu's house. Dad was enthu at the thought of sleeping in an air-coniditoned living room. Haha!

Saturday: Went off at 7.30am to the local roti canai shop! Wee~! Ordered 1 egg n kosong canai with tea. Then off we went to the final destination Klang. But we had to stop by the garage to do something to the car first. Then unexpectedly, we made a detour to Malacca. I was so happy to get to see it. This is my second time going, that's why we were so entu about it. Stopped by Mahkota Parade to shop! I wasn't happy cause my mom forced me to look for a bottom cause she deemed it unsuitable to wear to kampong. WTH! Ok, so I went to FOS to look for a bottom. Bought this American Eagle jeans. Then off we went to Klang that night. Slept over. I was plagued by mosquitos. Shite!

Sunday: Went to the wedding. Then left for KL at 1.30pm. Booked into a hotel! Quality hotel was the name. Then we left our stuff there and went shopping again. Not happy again cause all we saw was shops after shops of kain and selendang shops! Pissed! Then after a heavy downpour and hearty meal, went back to the hotel. Since I wasn't happy that I didn't get to shop, I enticed my sis, my bro and cousin to go shopping for tee, since I didn't bring enough. Went to the Reject shop to buy my tops. Then went back to hotel. Sleep!

Monday: Woke up at 7am. Went off to Imbi by monorail at 11am. Went to Berjaya Times Square! 11.30am we got into Cosmo's Theme park in the Times Square. Rode so many rides. I even almost vomitted. Haha! Then we went shopping again. I bought high cut sneaks! Yay! Then went back to hotel then went back home.

It wasn't interesting but at least it's something different from my usual trips to Malaysia. Hehe! Will update more. Ciao!

changes

2005-12-23T13:38:00.000+08:00

Thinking of changing my url soon. New year, new url, new skin! Yay! Maybe spoken-idiocy.

Yes, I'm going off to Malaysia soon. Gonna miss Lee. Eventhough I'll be gone tonight till Sunday noon! Hehe! Ouh wells. At least I have my music to keep me company.

Last night over family dinner(after so long!), I was digging through my dad's Tom Yum and looking at the mussels he had. I love seafood! I will take any seafood thrown to me unlike my bro and sis. They're abit picky. So, when my dad passed me his mussels, my reaction was unexpected. Both my mom and sis kept teasing me about it. And laughed about my kejakun-ness when I got the food. I think I reacted like a baby! So excited.

Well, I'm getting out of here. So ciao!!

aries.bear

2005-12-21T18:52:00.000+08:00

I've a new found obsession. It's the aries bear. hehe!

Gonna have a new skin for the new year. And ouh yeah. I so love this song on my blog now. Monsters by Matchbook Romance. Ain't it cute? Thanks bear for sending me this song!

Yesterday was fun. Day out with Lee to town. Last minute considered. Was checking out movie times for Saw 2. Then stumbled upon Lido's 5:35pm slot and me and her rushed out of the house. We found out about the time about 4.15pm like that. Haha! We were in a frenzy trying to get ready. The queue at the movies were long. We managed to be in the theatre at 6pm. Almost half an hour into the movie. But nonetheless. It was a nice show! Didn't expect the theatre to be so full cause the movie was launched weeks ago.

After movies we went to eat. Talked and bitched about the ladies on the next table to us. Tried to imitate their animated way of talking. Haha! Had a laugh! Went to Paragon cause Lee wanted the wee wee. My first time to the Paragon toilet. Kinda cool. Then walk to Far East to take the bus home. I told Lee alot of people like to stare/look at her. She doesn't believe me till she saw it herself. Haha! Came up with many different kinds of stare. The stare stare, the look stare, the "wanna ask for number" stare. Haha! So cool!

Around 9.30pm in the bus, my sis called me. Said my mom was already mad. Sheesh! So early want to angry for what? I was pissed. But then, me and Lee started talking about dreams in the bus. Hehe! So funny! Weird dreams we had eh? Then after that, went home at about 10.45pm. The folks were already sleeping. My sweet sis waited for me in the dining room. Aww...

Today? Nothing much happened. Rot at home. Thought of going to esplanade alone. But then, I was too cozy at home. So stayed. Tomorrow is school day! Weee~! Though the lesson will be boring cause it's PSP. I don't mind. As long as I'm out of the house with a direction. Hehe! Got to go talk to aries bear! see ya!!

PS: HAPPY 18th BIRTHDAY IMMY!!
PPS: Watch out for NP's Green Mall! It's gonna be great I hope

Birthday.shoutouts.

2005-12-20T15:20:00.000+08:00

Happy birthday Fadhil aka Patrick. Gile boy! hehe! Nvm. I still lub you many many.

And an advanced birthday to Godbro IMMY!!! I miss you alot! Yay! Tomorrow you guys birthday.

Haha! After that, it'll be Azri baby and Tas birthday followed by Nadiyah shweet birthday! 23 Dec, 25 Dec and New year! Woo!!

I just vented to my e-zine people. I think they gonna kill me. I'm stressed out by their behaviour. Act like small kids. But sad to say, poly students. Sheesh!

buggers.

2005-12-19T09:43:00.000+08:00

I was bugged out of bed to my laptop. Cause I got 2 missed calls from my cik ngaji and an sms from her. Then I got an alarm at 9am saying that I have to do my module preference ranking.

Ok, so I left the comfort of my bed to do the module preference thingy. I was so in a dazed and confused about what the ENV, COM, ENT, EM means that I had to go and check it out before making my choice. Anyways, I took Events Management, Community, Entrepenuership (is that how it's spelt?) and Environment. Sucky choices for IS but, oh wells. Hope I can make my appointment next year. I really want to try the events management thingy. Like cool seh!

My NP friends, tell me what your choices are and we shall share the same module class and time slot together. I want a company in the class! Please! Thanks!

PS: I'm still envious of Lee's skin that I made for her. Sheesh!! Nadiah says it's even nicer than my own. Haha!

For.all.the.heartaches.that.you've.made

2005-12-18T14:46:00.000+08:00

Listening to Monsters! So cute the song! Thanks Bear for the song! *Muacks*

Well, what have I been up to lately..? Yesterday, went out with Lee and Wan to Marina, Esplanade. Just to catch up and stuff. It was fun! Wan told us about Saw 2. Now I really wanna watch it with Lee next week. Hope they still show in cinemas. Passed by Clarke Quey to see people going into Queens. Then stopped by Coffeebean to chill and enjoy the night breeze.

Did Lee's blog just now. Gruelling task but I was glad it's finally up. Go see!

I'm feeling so empty. Like so..bleah! Nothing. Zilch. Ouh wells. I still have friends like Lee, Wan, Umi and Meow2 to keep me happy and contented with their silly nonsense.

2 weeks to the New Year. Who wants to thon?

posers!

2005-12-16T23:43:00.000+08:00

Urgh~! I hate posers. Look at what I got in Friendster today.

Subject: heya punkette!
Message:
heyy :) could we be friends i wanna meet more punkette's and u seriously look like one ;)thanks ya
Nikita <3

OMG! If I looked like a punk, what does Lee's bro turn out to be? Mat raep? Haha! I can't stop laughing. Read it again and again and again. Haha! So funny! Me? Punk. Puhlese! Look at her friendster if you have time.

I'm not trying to be mean but please get your facts right! Before you approach someone in the scene, make sure you totally know what a punk looks like. God..I still can't believe it.

I love my sis! *muacks*

screamo.taking.over

2005-12-15T12:34:00.000+08:00

I don't know why. But I've been listening to alot of screamo songs. Maybe because Bear gave to me all the screamo songs and I've been influenced to go find the songs and listen to alot of them. Haha! I like. Across Five Aprils, Alesana, From First to Last, Halifax. Ok, might be slow in discovering these bands but who cares.

I want to go out today. I don't care if it's alone. But I just want to go out. Got the urge to. I've got no school today cause Agus's mom just passed away and he has to attend to the funeral. Poor lad, my condolenses to your family. This lecturer of mine is an enthusiastic chap. I hate his module though. What's to like? It's Problem solving and Programming. And it's the only examinable module for this semester.

I think it's a great day to be at the beach. The wind didn't stop blowing since just now and I don't need to rely on my fan today. It's a warm and cool day. Maybe I should go to West Coast. To entertain myself. Since my sis is at East Coast with her friends.

Lee, hope you're doing fine.

And to you, stop appearing in my mind. It makes me long for you. I don't want to. Thank you.

new.skin

2005-12-13T15:33:00.000+08:00

I did up Wan's blog yesterday. Eventhough I was as busy and as hectic as ever. I don't mind doing it for a friend.

Today, I did a new one for my own. Very simplistic I shall say. I'm stumped. Not much inspiration and thought given to this new design. Just create.

New year's eve plans. Not much up yet. But if you guys wanna go out, just tag, msn, text or call me. Planning to burn the old habits. Let's make kindling!

Will be doing Renee's bloggie soon. Then will be off to editing our Game rules. Haha!

Last and this week has been stressful, emotionally and physically. So many things to do. Rush here and there. All assignments need to be completed by this week as it's the last week of school. Woohoo!! Can't wait. I need a break.
Got to go. Renee's blog is calling me.

my.dad.was.a.handsome.dude.

2005-12-10T23:50:00.000+08:00

My dad was much more good looking the past 10 years. He showed me his picture. And when he was younger, his face was not marred by pimples. Dang! I'm envious.

Went out with family (excl bro) after covering the story at esplanade. Wanted to hang out with that someone but that someone busy. So never mind then. Went to West Coast to eat. Then off we went to Mount Faber. Initially wanted to go to West coast marsh area there but my sis wanted to go to Mount Faber, then off we went! So cool and romantic the place. Haha! Then zipping past traffic to Fullerton Hotel. Woohoo! The place looks so nice at night. Then my sis wanted to pass by Orchard, and off we went. Everywhere my sis wants to go she gets to go. But it was fun! Learnt alot about my parents tonight. Their past I mean.

Sorry to anyone who's offended by my opinion. But I'm honestly hurt by what you have to say about me writing such things. I know what I am. Haish. People and school are making me so stressed out these days.
Aite. Now I have to write my report. Laters.

my.greatest.gratitude

2005-12-10T11:17:00.000+08:00

Thanks all. I really appreciate you guys. Now I know the power of friendship. I love you guys!

my.heart.your.bane

2005-12-08T22:05:00.000+08:00

empty.
something's amiss.
something doesn't feel right at all.

rollercoaster.wreck

2005-12-07T14:54:00.000+08:00

Random thought in my mind today: Is it true that no matter how imperfect you may be, the right clothes and make up still makes you look as flawless?

I'm totally messed up starting from 7.25 this morning.
The accusations you threw at me really took me aback. Please support your accusations with evidence. You might hear from their side but did you give me a chance to explain myself? I wanted to shoot back at you but you are my senior. I don't have the authority to explain myself as you're an adult. I respect people's parents but please, don't accuse me blindly. My feelings were badly hurt and I had to go to school with tears in my eyes. I know you have heart attack and I'm just this kid who's out to make you stressed out. I'm not trying to ok? Why did you have to make me listen to you preach so early in the morning? You're not my mom! I really felt like you wanted me to no longer contact your son when your son really needs a friend right now. Just thinking back on what you said to me really make me want to break down some more. Whatever it is, I'm truly sorry for being a distraction to your son.

Phew! Finally it's off my chest. But it still hurts thinking about it.
Today's Game design class was fun! We finally did our prototype for our game and it kind of worked. Still have a few glitches here and there but it works. I still have to modify the game rules before playtesting next week. And I'm not totally stressed out with assignments this week. I'm left with Draft 1 and VID report. Tomorrow is set aside for me to work out the e-magazine articles with my team mates. Finally, all things are in track.

bitchiness.happens

2005-12-06T16:16:00.000+08:00

Before I start with this entry, I want to apologise should I say something wrong in here that might offend some of the people reading. It's just my opinion and you can choose to ignore what I say ok? I'm just feeling a wee bit too bitchy today.

I'm so confused with the games people sometimes play.

I totally feel like right now, I should stay single. I feel that it's the right move anyways. I've been caring for someone way too much that it can kill me inside. It's like caring but nothing comes out of it. I feel so dumb to waste time on someone who won't even care about me. Who can't even tell I'm hurt. Who can't even tell I need an apology. Ergh!
_______You're as good as cheap perfume___________

im.all.about.you

2005-12-05T20:27:00.000+08:00

I really love that song though it's corny and all. Haha!

Wells, I'm feeling very happy today. Fact that I've been laughing my ass off in class just now trying to do up the skit that we're supposed to act out just now. Everyone can't stop laughing at Zhi Hui. She's so cute and blur all the time.

Found out he actually returned home. I don't know what made him changed his mind but I'm glad he did. I guess it must have been the terrible weather last night. Very cold and it rained even. Hope he doesn't catch a cold. Take care of yourself ok?

And I contacted Rifaie after so long. Glad that he remembers me though we never meet up before. We're messaging each other as though we've known each other for a long time. I remembered seeing him working at Hyatt before he contacted Lee at friendster last year. Then I got to know him. Lee wasn't interested so yeah. I remebered us calling him "Hyatt guy". We have such a method of calling people. Haha!

Let's post up pictures shall we?

The hugging picture I got from Lee's brother. I stole it from him. Haha! I just find it so adorable and sweet. Don't you? And the M&M's display can be found at Orchard. Ain't it a lovely sight?
Well, I got to go. See ya! Tag me tag me!!! Hehee!

ermz.for.those.who.might.concern

2005-12-04T10:19:00.000+08:00

Aite. You guys want me to do this. So here goes.

5 random/weird things about me (as requested by Ekal and Taslimah)
Rules of the game:
1) post 5 weird/radom things about urself
2) at the end of the quiz,list the name of the 5 people who u want next to do this and leave a comment in their blog.

And here are my random/weird stuffs:
1) I love having burping contest with my bestie
2) I love being in the company of my classmates
3) You're hot, I'm not
4) I only infatuate and fantasize, I don't have a boyfriend
5) I'm not lazy, I'm just human

Now that u've read bout my randomness/weirdness, I 'm gonna request the same thing to these people:
1) Mirta
2) Nadiyah Shweet
3) Amira
4) Alipo
5) Ken

Aite. Yesterday went out with Lee and her friends. They're so warm and welcoming. So funny! And I haven't done up my movie analysis, 2 reports and first draft of my story. Wow! So many things to do. Got to go.

almost.there

2005-12-01T21:44:00.000+08:00

Just finished my night snack. Crabmeat with cheese and egg sandwich. Too bad no veggie. But it was yummy!

Anyways, I've finally figured out how to do a pop-up (thanks to Ms Mirta Syazanna). And I'm almost done with my website! Wee! How cool right? But I don't know if it's allowed to use external stuff to showcase the website. I used geocities. Hope it's ok.

I miss you. Yet again you never fail to do this to me. Happy 3rd month anniversary. I know you won't remember. The date won't mean much to you. But this new year's eve is gonna be our 4th month. And we are celebrating it together right?

After all this crap with VID, I'll be free to do my movie analysis for SSS. I think I want to do about the movie Hitch. I love that movie. And then I can start to do my character study fully and my draft 1 of the SSS. Wow! So many work. And not forgetting my duties as a reporter in the pile. Haish. Stressing out.

smoking

2005-12-01T10:41:00.000+08:00

FOR THE SAKE OF THE BABIES, PLEASE STOP SMOKING

this message is brought to you by juNi & friends co-operation.

15.mins.vision.break

2005-11-30T21:32:00.000+08:00

I'm taking a break from all the stressing up on my mp3 and VID.

Yeah, straight after school today I got my mp3 replaced. Now it's good. I thought I would forever be bad luck with mp3 technology but I made it. I figured out how to use it. hehe! Then went home and did my VID. MSN nick writes 50% complete. Actually, I think it's more like 40%. Ouh wells. I need to finish this one up by Friday 5pm. And I need to do movie analysis and 1st draft of my story. So many things to do, so little time. And not forgetting my 2 e-zine articles to be submitted. Haish. So many things piling up. Hope I can cope and not be distracted. I'm stressing out and I don't even have a CCA. Imagine that. Hehe!

Well, I better get going real fast. See ya!

Extremes

2005-11-28T20:01:00.000+08:00

Ok, something just totally made me fed up today. I know my drawing sucks but Ms Anita does not need to rub it in. She said she needed my drawing as samples to show different grades drawing. I know I'm a C student alright! Man!

Something I got in my mail. Check it out!
I cdnuolt blveiee taht I cluod aulaclty uesdnatnrd waht I was rdanieg Thephaonmneal pweor of the hmuan mnid Aoccdrnig to rscheearch taem atCmabrigde Uinervtisy, it deosn 't mttaer in waht oredr the ltteers in awrod are, the olny iprmoatnt tihng is taht the frist and lsat ltteer be inthe rghit pclae. The rset can be a taotl mses and you can sitll raed itwouthit a porbelm. Tihs is bcuseae the huamn mnid deos not raed erveylteter by istlef, but the wrod as a wlohe. Such a cdonition is arppoiatelycllaed Typoglycemia :)-Amzanig huh? Yaeh and yuo awlyas thought slpeling was ipmorantt.What is the story behind this ? :-)My View:- "People read what they think and not what they see"

Tomorrow after my trip to see Ija at Harbourfront Breeks, I'm off to Sheesha with Lee's primary schoolmate, Hannan. He just asked me out today to accompany him. So, I just felt, what the heck! No use missing someone when that person is not missing or thinking about you right? Well, I better ciao now! Bye bye! Tomorrow will be great!

bila.rindu

2005-11-27T00:14:00.000+08:00

I miss him. For like the 34529879 times tonight. You guys got me into this number thingy. Like so cool like that.

The cold night. Makes me want to just scream out his name and hopefully he can hear it all the way north. I want to engrave his name on my heart so that every beat reminds me of him. I want to hug him close to me if I get to meet him tonight. I don't want to let him go. I want to cuddle up to him in this cold chilly night and tell stories of the future. I want him to sing a lullaby so that I can sleep soundly next to him in his arms. I want to look at him sleep and be there when he wakes up in the morning. I want to catch the stars and gaze upon them in his eyes.

But all this is a fantasy. I could only dream about it cause he will never be mine. All I could be is his friend. He can only acknowlege my feelings but does nothing about it. Haish, how I wish I could be more than that sometimes. Ouh wells...life goes on.

beautiful.day

2005-11-24T15:17:00.000+08:00

It's such a nice day out.
The sun is shining its warm rays after so many days of gloomy but nice rainy weather. The breeze that blows through my window smells fresh and of freshly cut grass. The birds are chirping their melody, the kids at the void deck are happily playing with each other. Haish, I want to be out but is there anyone out there who wants to ask me out? No! Today, the weather is absolutely perfect to do outdoor activites like going to the beach! Man! I want to head to the beach. It's been ages! I want to cycle after that. I want out! When can I go out and enjoy another perfect day like today? Hope it'll be sometime soon. The aircon is really getting to me. Lucky for me there's no air conditioner at home. -end talk about the weather-

Well, today I'm cooped at home. Don't know what to do. No after school activites for me. No going out with him. No hanging out with Lee. Everyone is busy with their own lives. I better get something to do on my own fast. Wait! I do have something to do. The laundry is totally piling up due to the rainy weather these past few days. And of course, my VID assignment is due tomorrow and my presentation next week. Haha! I haven't done much. The e-magazine deadline is drawing near. Oh shit! I suck being a leader. Nothing is moving. Haish.

Sometimes listening to too much sappy love stories and songs makes you want to feel the same. So shoot me! I can't help feeling that way. I may say one thing but mean another. I'm so hard to read nowadays. I miss my buddy. I miss his company. Ouh wells.

Hanis just called me. Said this Sunday at 11.30am we were to meet at JW macdonalds to go and jalan raya. Wow! Dragged for so long. Finally the O levels are over.

Lie to me
Tell me stories so beautiful
An epic of something so terrible
That it makes me weep
-Matchbook Romance

ingenious.us

2005-11-22T19:11:00.000+08:00

Do you realise something?

Singapore is so clever. They make all these small jingles to encourage others to live healthy. Remember the BMI? Remember the SARS? Remember the Dengue? Haha! How cute right. I think the most catchy jinggle should be the SARS jingle. It is so catchy and uniquely Singaporean as the person singing it is Phua Chu Kang, a typical Singlish person. It kind of represents all of us, one way or another.

Just came home from Peni with my sister. Went shopping. Bought a "Taking Back Sunday" tee for myself while my sis got a "The Used", "Green Day American Idiot" tee and a short skirt. Then decided to change how my bro dresses up. So bought him a Monkey tee shirt. It's so cute! Haha! Met him and passed my thumbdrive to him to transfer songs. Kinda productive day for me.

I still need to do many projects. The VID, the reporter thingy at Suntec for ADASIA and the algorithm for my PSP. Haish.. So many things to do so little time. (it's your cue mirta. Laugh! hehe!)

running.through.my.head

2005-11-19T12:18:00.000+08:00

I'm next to you
But do you feel me near?
You're next to me
But you're not there

I tried to comprehend how I felt
These feelings left me cold
Do you think of me as much as I do?
You know you make me whole

Got so many things to do for school. So little time. When am I gonna pick up my pace? Haish. I don't want to slack but I can't help it. Too many things to do! Haha! Mirta laughs at me when I said this yesterday. Ouh wells, I got to go! Bye!

tormented

2005-11-18T09:30:00.000+08:00

Heart on string that can snap at a cut
Mine is next to hers
Will I survive the endless fall?
Will I be able to cure the deep cut
Slit my throat and watch myself bleed

busy.bee.me

2005-11-17T09:02:00.000+08:00

Alright. My shweet dumpling wanted me to update. So, here goes.

Wow! I just realised how behind time and how fast time flies. I still haven't had a chance to collaborate with anyone for my animation. I think I better talk to Jim soon before I get penalised. My PP2 group is looking ok. Hope we can have the discussion tomorrow. So many things to do, so little time.

Yesterday was fun. Lee came over to my school looking like a lost girl. Hehe! So damn cute! Went to have lunch with her, mimie and Afiq. Afiq never fail to kekek us. What he said about boxers and underwears really cracked me up! He totally is a zany guy! Haha! Then us girls were heading to peni to look around and stuff. The two got so excited and out of the blue they started talking about skateboarding. Haha! How cute. We rounded peni for a while chat with Shafiq the Sally's Rejex vox and then headed off to Esplanade.

Went to the rooftop and met Farhan and his girl along the way. We started to have girl talk and suddenly a flash of lightning warned us that it was not safe to be at the rooftop. Changed our location to the waterfront stage area. Chat some more but more thunder came. Then rain started to pour down heavily on us. By that time, I had to go off.

It was a fun day out with the girls with no guys around. But it doesn't stop us from talking about them! haha! so fun. Ouh wells, got to go. Agus talking already. See ya!

impian.terburai

2005-11-14T20:00:00.000+08:00

Whatever. I'm tired and I'm not in school today.

Tired from 2 straight days going out. First with the secondary school people. Second with the gig go-ers. Hehe! Kinda fun actually. Check out the pictures. I've uploaded them all there. Please try not to ask from me. It's easier that you can choose right? The trouble of waiting over msn transfer always gets me worked up.

I'm waiting. I won't go there. Hope you make the first move now. I won't want to go there. I don't want to get my heart broken again.

I love my friends! Ok, two sets of people covered for Raye outing. When is the primary school people gonna organise something? Inform me ok? Thanks!

Been a really productive day for me. Did my SSS and found out that I did exactly what is expected from today's lessons. So one less homework for me. Animation wise I still haven't found anyone to combine with. I did my CATS and posted an anouncement for my e-zine people. I went out to get shorts for tomorrow's S&W and got myself a new perfume! Yayness!

Guess the perfume brand? Hehe! Ok ok, it's Chupa Chups. 75ml for $16.90 and the smell is nice. It even comes with a free Chupa Chups! hehe! Was torn between the three scents Chupa Chups had. Finally took this one, the Magnific Sun. Hehe!

Ouh yeah, and I've been trying to put up a new e-portfolio as part of the assesment criteria for PP2. Just need a little brushing up for my flash. Hope it works out. I'm left with refining all my previous works. I want to do the best! I'm so motivated. And try not to get me on Fridays. It's my exercise day. I'll be busy.

Things are really looking good for my life except my love life that is. Hope it works out well as the rest. Hope I could juggle all at once too! Haish. The life of a poly student. Hehe!

raye

2005-11-13T01:26:00.000+08:00

pictures speak a thousand words. nah! pictures

random.untitled

2005-11-10T21:24:00.000+08:00

Aren't all of these cartoons cute? It's designed by Rimfrost . You should look at her comic works. It's cool!

I'm watching Lifeline on Channel 5 as I'm typing this out. The guy, private Jamal, is kinda cute. Haha! Oh no! She wanna kill herself!! Her legs got amputated and she wants to jump! Gosh!

Well, thinking about going to the Singapore Design Festival next week. Maybe to cover a story? It's on the 20th November. I think I should go. Hehe!

An open-ended question for all of you. What would you like to see in an e-magazine if you have the power to choose? Eg: Entertainment, animation, Fashion etc. Please help out by tagging your answer. Really appreciate your help.

Went out after school today! Craved to go esplanade. But it was raining after we had lunch at Funan. Went to Taco bell cause I wanted to then dropped by Macdonalds to use the internet. Hehe! Internet connection there sucks like hell and things move super duper slow ok? Ouh yeah, so sweet that he brought food for us. In the end he didn't eat and the food was given to my parents and me to eat. Haha! It was nice actually eventhough it's a little too spicy for my taste. Thanks buddy! Love the nasi goreng! Bought tee at peni. Plain green one. I like. I want that Samsung mp3 I saw. But it's damn expensive. $238 for 512 MB of song memory. The one that can change the cover colours one. Nice.

Yeah! This Saturday go raye-ing with the secondary school mates. My mom said if our house is the last house, she'd probably order pizza. So amacam geng? Mau datang last house tak? Hehe!

Aite, mom's calling. Got to go! see ya!

nothingness

2005-11-09T18:56:00.000+08:00

I'm bored.

Came home around 5pm from school. Initially we were supposed to finish class at 1pm today. Then Ms Anita asked to stay for PP2 briefing. Junwei, shweet dumpling and chilli padi saboed me to be the leader. I also don't know why chilli padi got involved since she's in graphic design and not the e-magazine. Hehe! So tomorrow after school at 1pm we are gonna discuss the whole thing. Cool!

The GDA lecturer not bad. He's french with blue eyes. He's designed a few games himself and are in the market. Not sure what those games are anyways. Hehe! His accent is cool. Kinda awed. Haha!

I'm finished with my APT assignment. Simple drawing. Finished it up in class just now after school. So, I'm left with my SSS assignment. Yay! I'm on track with my studies.

Ila and Nina has been contacting me via Friendster. Miss them loads. Though I only met them twice. How I wish I could meet them again. I miss all my friends. Where have you been?

not.making.this.easy

2005-11-08T22:02:00.000+08:00

Yeah..I thought you should know, you're not making this easy.

Well, went to school so early in the morning. It's been so long since I did that. Like a year ago I guess? Woke up at 6 in the morning and got out of the house at 7. Reached school about 7.30 am. Too early. But ouh wells. Waited outside the lecture teather seating down near the staircase area and looked at two cats clawing at/playing with each other. So adorable!

End up like 50 mins of briefing for S & W then we had to choose our sport. So, I chose hockey. It was alright with me as we do not need to attend attachments and have to attend 12 classes. Then went for brunch with Sherona, Clare and BG. Then went to CATS. Man! The lecturer was demanding and fierce. But we had our laughs in class too. Luckily I ended in the same class with Azmi from EE. Yay! Got friend. Made a new friend from IT. Her name is Siti Suraya or something but I just call her Siti. Easier right? So, that was my day in school.

Then I was damn bored at home, decided to go esplanade. Asked Lee along and him too. Luckily he could make it. We seriously needed to talk. So gedebak gedebuk, I bullied him he bullied me I hurl abuse at him, kutok him. Basically venting out my bottled up anger to him. Then Lee came half hour later. Lee was hungry so we had Long John and he treated me cause he made me wait 1 hour for him as he was helping his mom out at her stall. Then went back to esplanade meet Farish they all and picked up meow2. Chill till 7 plus.

Finally when we were chilling with Farish they all, we talked. Talked about how we felt during that bumpy period. He felt stupid and confused. I felt betrayed and used. Then he just went quiet, his head filled with a dozen different thoughts. Then he went to buy a drink and sat really close to me. Legs touching and hands meeting. But I didn't make any move. Just hit his hand away from me. Then mom called at 7.30 pm. Had to go home. On the way to send me, he got sick. Literally. Vomitted all over the floor. I wanted to help but he seems alright on his own. Then he was all back to normal again. His ex called, apparently her birthday. She wanted a patch up he told me. But he didn't want to. So he asked her to call back when he's done going out with me. As respect. Then sent me to the train. Waited for the train with me. We talked alot. I told him to change his attitude alittle cause he's getting older. Hope NS will change him. Then salam with him and I was very shocked that he kissed me on the cheeks. Seriously suprised. What was that for? What does that mean? Haish.. he got me confused all over again. I was baffled and just continue boarding the train. I can feel a blush creeping up my face. I didn't look back.

So confused. You're really not making this easy.

Anyways, there was a group of malay guys just now, hoping to ber raye. Haha! Claimed to be a friend of Aidil's who lived at the second floor of the opposite block. And told me that they raye here last year. I told them we are new here and they still asked if they can raye here or not. Since my parents are asleep, I just told them that my parents were asleep and apologised to them. Boy! Were they sad. Pocket takde duit eh deq.. kesian. Yeah, they were kids. Like my sis age perhaps. Haha! Funny seh!

Aite. I got to go. Sorry if this entry is so long.

school.officially.starts

2005-11-07T19:55:00.000+08:00

Well, considered today was the first day of school.

Had SSS in the morning. We watched a short movie and were asked to analyse it and stuff. Finding plot blah blah blah. Then 1 hour break before the next class APT. Was kinda nice lah the class. Didn't find it boring. Can still make it cause it's like the first try so its ok.

WARNING: Useless rantings up ahead. Do not proceed if you do not like.

Well, feeling worser each day. I don't deserve praises or compliments. I feel like such a loser most of the times. It's easy for me to be happy for all but I can't help feeling useless and helpless inside. I don't love myself enough I guess. I can't go a day without thinking I haven't accomplished something. My life is in a terrible mess. I definitely can't rely on just one for emotional help. I need to love myself first. I truly have appreciated Lee for trying to cheer me up but it's hard you know. My heart is too soft. Sometimes too forgiving. Sometimes too hopeful. Why can't I be like others who know when to feel anger? Anger doesn't come by me much, only irritation. Haish..

Useless rantings ended.

Happy BIG birthday to HIM's cousin!! Da 22 seh. Old lah. Hehe! Called him up to wish him already!! Wishing you all the best in future endeavours.

I'm feeling pretty nasty right now.. if i will offend you in one way or another, let me apologise in advance.

2nd.day.of.raya

2005-11-04T12:04:00.000+08:00

Well, yesterday was ok.

Wasn't anticipating the day. I wasn't in the celebratory mood. I don't know why. Overall only went to visit 5 places. My nenek Sarah, my dad's first brother, my dad's 5th brother where all of us gathered, 2 grandaunts in Yishun and Serangoon. I was really happy that I got to spend time with Ija, my closest cousin. She's so full of energy. But due to my lack of sleep, I was feeling alil bit crabby and sleepy. HaHa!! Ouh wells, tomorrow gonna go out with her family again and visit my mother's side or also her dad's side.

Now I'm charging my Uncle Sam's mp4 to my laptop. Wanna play around with it first before my brother finds out that I'm playing with it by tomorrow. I don't know when my brother wants to give back the mp4 but ouh wells, I'm gonna play with it today. Haha! My Cik Man wanted me to buy a webcam! Cause I was consulting about it yesterday with him. He's the computer expert. So can't totally argue with him. Haha! So he keeps telling me to buy it. Haha! 59 bucks who wants to sponsor? hehe!

On the way home last night, someone had to text me. It was the least expected person. Oh man! I was shocked to get the message. "Come round my house this saturday cause my mom is making an open house". It's translated, he messaged me in Malay. I was totally shocked and he texted me things he used to when we first kinda met. Like "call me when you're free k baby juns?" Man! What the heck is up with him? I find this totally suspicious. I heard him and his "bro" betting on something which I could make up as whether his "bro" could get this girl. Man! How sick right? Ish! Made me mad only. He told me he would sms me late last night but he didn't. How sweet right? Not even bothering to change when you didn't even bother to message me at all. Idiot!

Urgh! 2nd day of raye and I'm fumming. Why must it be him who always makes me angry?

Selamat Hari Raya

2005-11-02T23:00:00.000+08:00

Slamat Hari Raya kepada semua umat Islam.

To my close friends like: Lee, Liza, Meow2, Umi, Fiq, Ajik, Siti, Wan, Laila, Ernie, Nadiah, Shaiful and Irfan.

Aku nak mohon maaf kepada kamu semua jikalau aku terkasar bahase, menyinggungkan perasaan korang and menyakitkan hati korang. I hope korang boleh lah maafkan segale kesilapan aku yang lalu. *sobs*

To my other friends : new and old who are not mentioned above.

Slamat Hari raye!! Nak datang rumah tak? Just text me for my home address. Haha! And maaf zahir batin to you all too! Maaf kalau tersilap kate.

I've gotten myself the new specs. No pics of it yet. Lazy to do much with anything. Went to SP today to meet Liza. So nice to see her! She so damn pretty already. Haish. Too bad it's fasting if not enjoyed a meal with her already. Hehe! Other days. Then went back to school to choose my PP2 choices. I took e-magazine, photomedia and graphic design. Hope to be the reporter for the e-magazine! Wee~!

Ok, wanna go! see ya!!

new

2005-11-01T21:04:00.000+08:00

this is the new sound.

Nah..I'm just crapping around. Haha! New skin after a month. How? You like it? Thanks WIWI for the codes. Finally I know how to make this sort of skin.

Well, nothing much been happening. Just very quiet lately. And the shocking thing is, after a very long disappearance, he started to call me again and being controlling over me again. It was only a short conversation. I didn't want to drag it and he was sleepy. So off to sleep he went.

I still don't know how to love my school. I really don't know. I'm just not happy there. I go to school and see my coursemate and I get happy and then going home it's like..oh ok. School's over. I don't feel connected to the school at all. I think I better join NPSU fast! If not, 3 years will be like hell and knowing my course structure and all. I need to stand out above the other future designers.

GO JUNI GO!!!

my.road.journey.to.better.education

2005-10-31T20:37:00.000+08:00

The wheel has turned.

So, today is the first day in Semester 1.2. Like I said before, my first week in school will be a total waste of time as they just wanted to introduce the things to us. Our modules we'll be taking. And the integrated assignment that is on the way. It's either creating an animation or game design and finally publishing it on the web. Well, anyone of you wants a good storyteller/ scriptwriter here? HaHa! Promoting myself as we need to do this project with 3 other people. Temwork was the theme.

It was kind of a dry day. We wanted to be late for half an hour but in the end came only 15 minutes late. Ouh wells. Then the lecture theater was filled with ICTians. Saw Red ferarri guy wearing red. Haha! Then went to DETC for the module thingy.

During the lunch break, me and Mimie decided to look at contact lenses. She wants to get one and my eyes can't stop looking at the specs available. So, in the end I bought myself a pair of glasses. Wednesday I'll pick it up from school. Woo! New specs! And yeah, can't believe I got astigmatism. Must the be long hours spent on the computer.

Something funny happened when we were at the school bus stop. There were constructions going on and we were standing quite close to the area. Then a head suddenly popped out and it made Mimie shocked and she kinda screamed out! Haha! Her reaction on the face is priceless! Should have taken a picture!

Ok..that's all about it then. Haha! Ciao!
I miss that someone.

spring.clean

2005-10-30T13:18:00.000+08:00

A part of me feels that I've wasted my chance to meet my primary schoolmates. But I wasn't feeling well. I didn't want to spread my germs to them.

Ok, so yesterday. Just went to Geylang with family. Bought shoes at City Plaza then head home. All the while, I kept my mouth shut most of the times. I didn't want to cause any epidemic. Anyways, it's really getting better. At least it doesn't hurt when I chew anymore.

Once again, sorry guys that I didn't make it!! So sorry!

Now, I'm just simply resting. Tired from spring cleaning from last night till this morning. I had no idea my sis had so much stuff she had to throw! And all of them coming from the boxes she didn't unpack when we shifted here. It's like ages ago since we moved. About half a year like that! See the lazy arse sis of mine. So now, my room looks less cluttered with my sister's books. Everything looks perfect! Organised! Abit messy here and there but that's how I like it. Organised mess. Haha!

And not only my room is revamped! My whole house is too! I woke up this morning to find the dining table being shifted 90 degrees. There are like 3 sitting areas in my living room. Curtains have been changed. Wow! Everyone was in the mood to spring clean just when I started nagging to my sis about her side of her room! So cool! It was kinda tiring to help her clean out her stuff. Cause I'm falling sick. Haish.

Yeah! Finally tomorrow school is resuming. Kinda love-hate feeling right now. I like being busy and preoccupy myself with school work but dread the journey and stuff. Kinda making me a little frustrated cause there's like so many hills to climb, so many staircases. Haish. Look at the bright side, at least I'm out of this house! Ok, got to go get ready to buy stuff for tomorrow! Ciao dudes and babes!

what.the

2005-10-28T23:48:00.000+08:00

Lee came over to my house today. She was bored at home. Wow! She's not afraid of my mumps! haha! Love ya loads babe!

Then she buke at my house. I also planning to buke at her house soon. Soon, as in maybe on Monday? Is it fine with you? Hope so.

I just realised how idiotic I looked like in primary school. Ok, I stumbled across my primary school pictures courtesy of Taslimah (Ms ketat..Kehehe!!). Oh man! I still can't believe my eyes when I saw what I saw. Come and see for yourself. Don't laugh ok?

Gawd! Can you spot me? And yeah, I was in dance.

Dang! And I look different now. I know how to smile already.

Well, my medicine finally kicked in now and it's making me super sleepy. Got to go peeps! See ya! And ouh..thanks for the well wishes guys! Tag me more!!

this.just.in

2005-10-27T19:39:00.000+08:00

Ok folks. I'm really saddened now.

I've got mumps. And I'm infectious for a week. Don't breathe in my sneeze.
Wanna know more about what I'm suffering from? Click here.

Haish. Truly saddened. I'm confined in my house. Sad huh? Means I got to scrape the idea of goin out by myself then.

Anyways, I'm watching this programme in Central about White and Black kids in London. Amazingly, they did this test with the kids and showed 4 pictures of kids their age. An Asian looking boy, a black kid, a white kid and blonde kid. The white kids chose most of the good qualities with the white kids but the suprising thing is that the black kids did the same. And some even pointed to the black kid when asked who would be the bad kid. Wow! Amazing right? I think that's it's so cool!

Ok, I got to go now. My head is spinning. Mumps!! haish..

down.down.down

2005-10-27T17:04:00.000+08:00

Well, kinda down with a cold.

Woke up today and had this kinda lump underneath my right ear near my jaw. I don't really know what it is. My mom say the only cure to that is to put nyilu on it. Don't know what is it's source. Kind of unexplainable. Gosh! My body is seriously problematic. Alot of things happen to it. Ergh!

So, the primary school mates are planning an outing this Saturday at Geylang. Not sure if I can make it. Cause I already promised my mom that I'll be shopping with her at the same place. Maybe thinking of meeting with them later or something. If my mom allow that is.

Anyways, next Wed and Fri of school is totally a waste of time. This is what I got in my MEL announcement.

Welcome back to the second semester!
Plan for the week 31 Oct - 4 Nov 2005:
Monday, 31 Oct 2005:
9 - 10 am
@LT22: General Briefing & Prize Presentation by Director/ICT
10 - 2 pm:
@eGarage: Course Briefing for the Oct Semester
@eGarage: Feedback on May semester performance
@DETC: Mentor-Mentee meeting session & general expectation
Wednesday, 2 Nov 2005:
9 - 5 pm
@eGarage: Revision for May semester modules
@eGarage: Introductory lesson & expectation for Oct semester modules
Friday, 4 Nov 2005:
9 - 5 pm
@eGarage: Launch of the Integrated Assignment
@eGarage: Pre-test your knowledge on Oct semester modules
Note: From week 2 (7 Nov 2005) onwards, you will follow your own time table.

Totally a waste of time. Why the school so troublesome one? Haish. Ouh wells, decided not to go anyways on Wed and Fri. At least step in school on Monday. Gosh! Miss being busy with school work and stuff. Miss the stress.

Anyone wants to go out with me? Date me or just for company? I also do lepaks. Anyone up for the challenge? Hmm..maybe I should just lepak by myself at Esplanade this Fri. Wee~!

movie.mania

2005-10-26T14:13:00.000+08:00

I've been binge-ing myself silly with movies. It is kinda boring at home you know. So far, I watched Spongebob the movie, Seed of Chucky, Resident Evil apocalypse, Taxi, 50 first dates and Hitch.

I haven't watched Seed of Chucky and I was suprised that it was kind of unsensored. All the bad words and the dirty scenes. Man! I'm not gonna talk about it even. But it was ok.

Ok, so yeah, watching movies at home kinda helps to cover the loneliness I'm feeling in my heart right now. I don't know why. Suddenly I feel too lonely for my own good. I feel e m p t y. All the time snapping at my family, having no mood to entertain my sis. I don't know what's up with me.

Well, I have been chatting with my good friend online recently. Cheered me up alittle. If you have my friendster account, read what he has to say about me! Wee~! So flattered. Haha! And I did him a collage of himself. He just looks good enough that he doesn't need to be collaged. A picture of him is good enough anyways. Haha! See..

Ouh yeah, before I forget totally about this, my sister said something to me about my personality. I don't know if it's true. She said I'm a softie. Like I can't hold a grudge for so long. And even if I don't like someone, I still talk to the person. She said, I don't show my hate. That I'm too good. Gosh! Am I? I think I'm quite harsh you know. I don't know. Guess it's just her opinion of me.

Yay! Today is Mirta's birthday! Yerps! My chilli padi finally 17! Wee~! Stay happy and cute always! Haha! Wait for school to reopen ok? Hehe!!

yearning.for.love..?

2005-10-25T00:16:00.000+08:00

Amazingly, I'm not my crazy self today. I don't know why, suddenly I lost my appetite to be crazy. Suddenly the mood is gone. Suddenly, I start to think again. Ergh! Hate it when I start to think.

Suddenly my heart don't feel so good. I feel lonely. Very lonely. Haish. My confessions says all. How I'm feeling. Not in the mood to blog anymore.
PS: Thanks to all who wanted to wish my dad birthday : HIM's cousin, Izwan, Liza, Nor, Ekal.

Someone commented on him. Saying he's handsome? Is he? To me, he's cute and fun. Great friend. What do you think? Ouh yeah, his name is Imran by the way. Have fun commenting.

talking.about.plans

2005-10-24T12:15:00.000+08:00

~~Last night~~ Early this morning, we were so eager to meet. Haha! I thought you were actually serious about it. In the end, I watched a late movie on my laptop and slept at 3.30 am. Tossed and turned in my bed but I still couldn't sleep. Think too much about meeting you I guess. Haha! Then after sahur, tried to sleep and managed to. But guess what? I woke up late. You too ok! Haha!

(Ernie read) I'm meeting HIM's cousin today.

Yerp. Yay! Finally meet. Can't wait. Butterflies in the stomach (puase ok?). Ok, lame. Anxious. What will be his reaction? Will he like who he see? He's never seen me before. I'm not expecting much but I'm expected to be let down. Haha! Me and my low self-esteem. Haha!

Ok, better get ready. Meeting him in half an hour's time. Yikes!

PS: HAPPY 49TH BIRTHDAY DAD!

my.promise.to.you

2005-10-23T15:07:00.000+08:00

Wow! This song brings back memories. Punk Rock Returns. My childhood friend. Never fail to shed a tear everytime this song is played. Haish. Emotional right now.

My promise to the guy who will take my heart:
~ I promise to stay true to you
~ I promise to be there when you need me
~ I promise to provide a listening ear for you
~ I promise that my love for you will always be true
~ I promise that you'll be in my heart & mind
~ I promise to care for you
~ I promise to understand you
~ I won't change you cause I'll love you for who you are

That's my promise to you. Haish..sappy huh? Wahaha! That's me showing my sappy side. I miss HIM's cousin. Wherefore art thou?

memories.to.haunt.me

2005-10-22T23:39:00.000+08:00

Yes! I got to buke outside with 11 other people today. Cool! The more the merrier!

I miss hanging out with my friends. So, it was kinda heart warming to be finally meeting them after like so long. It's one of those rare occasions that my parents actually allowed me to come home late at night. I stepped into the house like about 11.05 pm. Quite late according to their time.

Before I continue with this entry, I want to apologise to those who enjoys the company of the same gender romantically. Just something I saw.

Ok, to be perfectly truthful, I still can't grasp the concept of a girl-girl/ boy-boy relationship. Today, I saw 3 fine examples. 2 I saw were double dating at town. Ironically, it was double boy double girl double date. The guys were in front of the girls. Haish. If only one of them were to switch partners. Then on the train home to Bukit Batok, I saw another girl-girl one. But this was more brutal. I saw one of the partner caressing the other and attempting to kiss the partner. Ok, I seriously need to learn to see these things more. It's getting more common. But it's hard for me to catch on to what they see.

One more thing, I just want to apologise for being such a bitch at the beginning of this year. Yes, I was a pain to live with. I'm always getting on people's nerves (still do though). I force myself too hard. I wasn't exactly a nice person to all of you. I'm sorry that you guys still think of me like I was in the past. To be honest, I've changed alittle. I learnt to let go of the past as each day pass. The only thing I keep are memories and lessons each situation have taught me. I hope you guys can forgive me for being who I was in the past. Time has definitely made me wiser and more open-minded. I don't see things like the way I used to. Slowly, I'm accepting whatever life has to throw to me. Don't expect me to change overnight. Yes, I will always be friendly, annoying, direct and opinionated but I try to keep the bad side of me to a minimum. I don't want to rake up bad past but instead good memories we could laugh at. Things that brought us to this closeness of our friendship. I'm really sorry if I was a bitch. Sorry to those involved (you know who you are).

Ok, enough of this emotional stuff. Be happy! WEEE~!! =)
Oh yeah, why is it that everywhere I turn, everwhere I go, some things remind me of you? I even saw someone who looks like you in the train today. Gosh! You're haunting me. Stop it!

PS: There's no dear in my life. I'm still swinging single. It was a hoax! Hehe! You've been punk'd! Muahaha!!

2005-10-22T15:21:00.000+08:00

I LOVE YOU. WE BELONG TOGETHER. I WILL NEVER BE UNFAITHFUL TO YOU MY DEAR! MUACKS!

a.minute.of.fame

2005-10-21T12:07:00.000+08:00

People and webcams! My two primary school friends are getting a minute of fame in my blog right now. Wonder why they're smiling? I told them to. Hehe!

In case you didn't know, If you find the music on my blog abit annoying you can switch it off by pressing the "STOP" button at the top or navigate under "the.gal" at the bottom. I've purposely added the switches so that you guys have power to hear the song or not. I also took the liberty to write down the artist name and the song. This is just F-Y-I.

Something that my friend wrote in her blog made me think alot. About friends. You know, toxic friends and true friends. Toxic friends are those who drain you emotionally. I can't help feeling that I'm a toxic friend in a way to some of my friends. But toxic friends do not look out for their friends. They exist so to make the other party totally miserable all the time. True friends are those who stick by you when everyone abandons you. Those who cry with you, laugh with you, joke with you, punch sarcasm with each other, criticise, compromise and be a total pal with you. I'm really glad I found my first true friend. I LOVE you LEE!!!

Wells, I went crazy with HIM's cousin again last night. It was a funny night. In the afternoon, I sent a forwarded message which goes like this " Feel like you're going insane? Heartpain & emotional confusion? You're probably suffering from "I miss juNi" Syndrome! For tension relief, SMS/CALL 9******7 "

So, at night he gave me a miss call. Called him back but he didn't pick up. The second time he gave me a miss call still he didn't answer. The third time I called back, he picked up the phone. I thought he was really trying out the thing but nah, everytime he wants to talk to me, something crops up! Haha! Ok, then we started crapping again. Most of the time me cracking lame jokes to cheer him up! Lucky he did. Then we played a game. So cool! I got 3 "over-the-phone" kisses from him while he only got one! Haha! I'm the winner in this game of course! You can't beat me! *bluek!*

It's fun to finally be able to loosen out with someone who you can go crazy with. I don't hold back my personality with HIM's cousin cause he's a friend to me. I'll act totally different if he is the guy I like. Hope it does stay that way. But the problem is, I still haven't meet with him yet. Soon, I hope. Well, I got to go! See ya!

our.next.adventure

2005-10-20T15:47:00.000+08:00

As I'm typing away this entry, we're still waiting for another batch of these delicious cookies to be baked. Hehe! It's Milo biscuit! Come to my house for Raye if you wanna sample these inny mini delights! Yummy!! The aroma of the cookies! Making me drool. Fuh! I've previously baked a batch of these cookies but it was bigger and topped off with icing sugar. But my sis said she doesn't want the icing sugar. So I let it be. Do the cookies look good enough to eat?

Hehe! Mirta! I stole your idea of making these kinda pictures together. Hope you don't mind cause I lazy to upload all the 9 pictures together. Might as well put it all into one picture right?

I think with the amount of cookie dough we have, it's enough to make three batches.

Soon, I have to go off to the bazaar. Man! Again. I'm getting sick of this routine. Bored siak! But it's ok. Can get to see the guys there who are making a business out of selling food to the hungry people.

Ok peeps! I got to go! Till next time! -will update in this same entry if anything good crops up-

Hazrul my secondary school friend, just gave me free chocolate apom balik when I went to the bazaar just now. Wee~! I love him! *used to anyways..hehe*

If I touch a burning candle
I can feel no pain
If you cut me with a knife
It's still the same
And I know her heart is beating
And I know that I am dead
If the pain here that I feel
Try tell me that it's not real
And it seems that I still have a tear to shed
Corpse Bride - Tears to shed

Listen to it here

misses.n.kisses

2005-10-20T00:08:00.000+08:00

I miss my bro!! He's annoying but he's always there to barge into my room and annoy me with his " meow..meow" and poking me in the face with his bolster. Sheesh! Annoying but cute.

Anyways, the day out with Lee was good. Talk talk. Walk walk. Then go Bugis buy my beg. Then met up with Mimie to go Bt Gombak bazaar. Looked at the people there. Disturbed Lee awhile. Was so fun disturbing her. Then there was Hafidz. Someone in my secondary school normal stream. Don't know him well but ever went jamming together. Anyways, me and Mimie were like "Hijau" all the way to Lee cause we wanna disturb her with this cute dude working there. Hehe! But all in the name of fun. It didn't mean anything.

The bag I bought. Ignore the background. I put it on my bed. No where else better to put!

Ok, my eyelids getting heavy. Got to sleep! Nites!

feeling.pop-ish

2005-10-19T12:17:00.000+08:00

Is it even a word? I dunno and I don't care! Haha!

Yups! I don't know why. Listening to The Click Five, M2M, Nsync. Just haven't gotten round to listening Backstreet Boys! Haha! Alipo! Wanna sponsor me the songs? Ok, I admit I change the song in my blog. I think it will always change. Today's theme is Nsync. Haha! Don't know what tomorrow's theme will be.

Going out with Lee soon. Bugis! Wee~! It's been awhile since I went out with her. Like last week? Yeah.

Yesterday night, I was feeling very hyperactive. I don't know why. Then it kinda rubs on to HIM's cousin who got hyperactive after that. Haha! We were crapping all the time. Hougang Chalet, the huge bear at Esplanade, Converse shoes. Haha! I had the time of my life! When to sleep straight after cause I've drained all my energy.

My previous entry also got many people talking. Opposites compliment each other. Is it true?

OPPOSITES COMPLIMENT EACH OTHER!!!

blood.is.thicker.than.water

2005-10-18T16:11:00.000+08:00

To start off, I just added a song to my blog.

I think this whole entry is going to be dedicated to my sister. Don't ask me why I decided to blog about her. I just felt like it.

As you can see, we're quite different. She's like the hot headed girl while I'm the rationale mind. She's pretty when she's smiling while I'm not. She's sweet when she wants to be and I'm pretty much annoyingly friendly. She's got straight hair and I got curly/wavy hair. She looks good when she applies make up and I don't bother. She's got 13 yrs of wisedom that my 17 yrs could not compete with. She's care free and heck care while I bother about everything and things everyone said about me. She's stingy with her compliments while I compliment everytime I feel like it. She's paranoid about her studies when I just chill and tell myself to do my best. She's rebellious and stubborn while I'm abiding and meek. Sometimes I look like a kid next to her.

What we do have in common? Our lame ass jokes. Our love for music. How we sing our hearts out when we feel like it. Singing when we're sad, singing when we're mad, singing when we're happy. Both of us irritate people and hit close to the bone. I feel that both of us are good friends to our friends. We're constantly underappreciated by our peers (haha!). We love to go online. We love to irritate our brother. We love to bicker with each other. We love to self obsess with a camera. We rather stay at home than go out with the family. We only go out with the family when there's an up side to it (eg: we get to go shopping for our own stuff).

Haha! How funny that we don't have alot of things in common. I don't mind her wanting to be like me but I'm not a good example to follow. However, my music interest is mine! You can't share it with me lil sister! You go enjoy your type of music and don't feign interest in my type of music. Hehe! Selfish sister.

Yesterday night was kinda hectic. Talked with HIM's cousin. Yeah, I missed him but he's just beginning to look like a friend to me. I can't see anything more. Hey, do that thing you do with the fake DJ accent! Haha! You crack me up!
Bear!! My adorable bear! Yeah, chat with him too! Cracked jokes and made my stomach burst! You idiot! haha!
Finally that dude. You're the only one who didn't make me laugh. Ouh yeah, I forgot. You don't like me laughing. Tell me not to tell anyone some more? Hmm.. Let's see if you hurt me more.

Ouh man! I'm supposed to be heading to the bazaar by now. Got to run. My sis is waiting for me!

material.possessions.makes.me.happy.only.for.a.while

2005-10-17T23:49:00.000+08:00

I want I want! The perfume, Adidas 3 for Women, was my previous perfume before Boum. It's damn nice I tell you! The packing is also perfect. The perfume smell sticks onto you like almost the whole day. So, it's cool. I smell nice the whole day.

Apple ipod. The latest one. Can store videos, photos and music. I want that. It boasts to a maximum of 60GB and has 20 hours of battery life. I like!

Finally, Canon powershot SD20 digital elph. Why do I like it? Slick and style. 5 megapixel camera, aperture f/2.8 when it's wide open, 6.5 x digital zoom and Shutter speeds from 1/1,500 to 15 seconds. Cool!

With an ipod and a camera, who needs a new handphone with all those nifty things inside? Though if I do get a Sony Ericsson K750i or W800i, man! I'll be happy.

Hey! I want few things but costs a bomb! I rather spend on things that I can entertain myself with then make myself look better. Ironic for a girl isn't it? haha! Will stop here for now.

invoking.curiosity

2005-10-17T11:47:00.000+08:00

My previous entry sure did made people curious. Haha! These issues are the important stuff?

Yeah, it was a dream. Don't worry. I had a good talk about it with Lee. Was she shocked that I dreamt of such things. Haha! Ouh wells. Such a dream is rare and we should learn from dreams if it had a lesson to learn.

I found a friend in Hairil aka Bear. He is actually quite nice. Lending me a listening ear when I needed it. Cheering me up when I needed cheering up. Making me smile when I'm feeling down. Thanks bear!! He's approaching me in a different way. Asked me to come along for his chalet a week before the new year. Should I go? Hmm.. depends if I have school on that day. Pick me up if I do ok? Haha! But I definitely can't overnight.

What's going on with the younger generation kids? Seriously. Inflicting pain upon yourself when you feel stressed out or when you're angry with someone is definitely not the answer. Why not talk it out? Manage your anger well. Think like this. If you think you've suffered the worst fate, someone else out there may suffer even worser fate than you. God is just testing you on how you deal with things. So don't ever risk your own life when trouble befalls you.

-edit(part of this entry is removed due to me rethinking of its consequence of me posting it up)-

Ok. Enough with this preaching. Just trying to get it off my chest. Whew! Hehe! Just want you guys to think about it.

Nature VS Nurture. Think about it.

strange.nightmare

2005-10-16T15:17:00.000+08:00

Well, I just woke up from an afternoon nap.

Since I couldn't sleep well last night, I decided to just take a nap for 3 hours. It was nice cause the weather is now very chilly and it haven't stopped raining since the time I started sleeping. Anyways, Lee didn't attend religious class. Haahaa!! hasshole! Never mind. Still got Safiah to accompany me through all the boring lessons.

Ok, just thought that my dream is very weird. I mean seriously totally weird.

*_*

My dream was set in my house in the future. What I mean is my family shifted house in the near future. The house was much smaller than my house now. Apparently, I was to get married in that dream. At the age of 17. Gosh! What made it worse was that I didn't like who I was supposed to get married to. I didn't know why I agreed to the marriage at first. I got to admit I liked that someone was getting married to me in my dream. But after my primary school friends came and started to talk to me, I began seeing sense.

I kept running away to secluded places to think by myself. My cheeks are constantly wet with tears thinking about what I've done, why I've accepted this wedding. So, on my wedding day itself, I ran away. To somewhere no one would find me. My family was frantic. My husband-to-be searched high and low for me. I heard them calling for me but I didn't care. No matter what, I didn't want to get married to him. I don't love him. I think I ran away for like a week or something. Fighting it out in the harsh night weather.

A week later, I came back to my house. It still looked as though a wedding is taking place. I decided to muster up the courage to tell my husband-to-be that I'm not gonna marry him. That I don't love him, in fact, I was afraid of being his wife. Luckily, the dream has a nice ending. I didn't marry the guy. I was relieved and then woke up to my empty bedroom.

*_*

The funny thing about all this is, I know who was the guy I was going to get married to. His face was so clear in front of my face. I've touched that face before. I've kissed that lips many atimes. Haha! Try to guess who. (Hint: I've only kissed one dude in my entire life) I still can't believe he still haunts my dreams. Stop it will you! Ergh! I don't want you in my life already.

can.i.weep.now?

2005-10-15T22:38:00.000+08:00

Just finished watching "Win a Date With Tad Hamilton" on HBO.

Man! The show damn touching. These kind of movies never fail to make me believe in love again. Ok, fine, it's just a show filled with beautiful people who will eventually end up together, but, it's so tear-jerking for me. I'm a sucker for sappy love stories. I can't help it. I will cry if the dude gets rejected by the chick or vice versa. I will rejoice in their happiness if they get together. Fine, I'm weird. Slap me for being so drama.

Missing all my dear friends. Went to buy clothes again today. Almost everyone is covered. Left with shoe shopping and jewellery snatches. Haha! When am I gonna have the chance to do that?

*promises left unkept*

-edit-
Know the thing I hate most? It's to be controlled by someone I don't know. I mean I practically know you for like what? 3 days? And here you are telling me I should laugh less cause it's annoying you? Who are you to tell me this? You're no one but a friend to me. Please know that I can't do without laughter in my life. Just cause you're sick and laughing makes you hurt more doesn't mean you have to stop me from laughing right?

And what is the deal with you trying to ask me to "manje" with you? I mean, I don't do manje if I can't do it. Don't force me too! I will if I can. I will if I want to. I know you're bummed out that your 4 years girl friend left you. Face the fact! She's gone. I'm doing my best to cheer you up and here you go controlling me. After THREE days!

And when I say no to you, don't try to merungut. I mean, what is up with that? Trying to make me care for you? I can do that but please don't overdo it. Yes, you're used to the attention, you're used to the care your EX gave you but I'm not your ex! I'm just your 3 days friend for crying out loud!

When you call me and you're in the middle of something you love, can't it wait? Does it kill you to tell me you'll call later after your ball game? Do you have to be angry with me just cause I can't feign interest in soccer? Please. I'm only human. I have my own interest too ok.

Being caring and pretending to care takes alot of effort. It hurts to hear what he said to me. That I was being too caring and when I cared less, I'm not being caring enough. When I'm trying to cheer him up he said I'm annoying him with my laughter. What is wrong with you? What do you expect me to be? Someone who's totally opposite of me? Gosh! Cut the crap boy. When I said no, I really mean no. I've been hurt too much by empty promises that I hardened my heart for you. Too bad. I refuse to give in to whatever promises or shits coming out from any guy.

Wow! If I can pin point these things out from you in 3 days, I wonder what I'll find out from you in 3 weeks.

*totally different experience, totally different guy*
PS: I miss HIM's cousin..*sobs*

amazed.n.awed

2005-10-14T12:20:00.000+08:00

I'm truly amazed with Azly. Seriously.

He's one truly heck of an amazing guy. Not only is he in his teens, but he has a dream unlike the rest of us. Not those mediocre dreams but serious dreams. Of making an Azly productions. Wow! It's like sometimes I wonder, where does he get all the money? He is also one heck of a determined teen. Planning to run away from home during this fasting month to achieve something at the end of the road. He made it sound as though running away from home is like going on a mission. Seriously, I'm truly awed.

_ + _

Nothing much has been happening. Just lazying around the house from morning till 4. Then I head out to the bazaar at Bukit Gombak to buy food for the family. This morning my dad said something that really tickled me. He said something about certain people who eat just ladoo and fruits to break fast. And I was suggesting that we could eat just fruits today. Then he got all "Eh, we're not those people. I still want food" Haha! Funny seh! But seriously speaking. Nothing wrong with breaking fast just by eating fruits right? Suddenly I got a craving for salad from Burger King. Don't ask me "why salad?". I just suddenly want salad ok?

Been invited to go to Johore by someone I just knew by bike. Could I trust this person? Part of me screams "NO!" but the other part just silently whisper an approval to me. I should have learnt my lesson by now. Not to trust people too easily. Maybe I'm too naive, maybe I'm too trusting, maybe I just don't see the bad side of people, maybe I just constantly look at people's good side that no matter how bad the person is, I can still see the glimmer of good hope in those eyes.

I miss HIM's cousin. Even going through a day without talking to him makes me feel alittle weird. I mean, why do I feel this way? He's just a friend. Maybe I just needed someone to go crazy with, without inteference. Like I can't totally depend on Lee all the time. She has a boy friend that needs attention too. With HIM's cousin, I can totally be mad with him. I think I feel lonely. Ahh!!

just.desserts.

2005-10-13T14:12:00.000+08:00

I may sound like a total bitch for being like this. But, yeah!

He broke off with the girlfriend. Ok. He was like saying, " Wanna know something? I broke off with my girl". At that moment, I really believed in karma. But I guess he was just petty though. Small little stuff and you break off with your girl? Hmm.. doesn't that imply you don't truly have feelings for her? Him and I went through lots of *hits together. No, I'm not implying that now I have a chance with him. Just implying why he haven't thought of abandoning me like I want to abandon him. Trust is the foundation to every relationship. Be it friendship, intimate relationship, partnership. If there's no trust, nothing can work. It's as though you'll be living a lie. Wouldn't it?

I still wonder and asked myself sometimes. Why do I still bother? But, it's not as if I sparked a conversation with him. And yesterday, when I was on the phone with HIM's cousin, why was he alittle bit tense? Not HIM's cousin but the dude. Sheesh!

Ok, I'll stop.

Wonder what's wrong with my laptop the earphone thingy. As long as it doesn't go nuts on me anytime soon. Hey, I want an apple ipod and Canon PowerShot SD20 Digital Elph Digital Camera! Anyone can buy for me? Hehe! I already bought a bag for myself. Haha! My dad's birthday is coming soon. And 2 days after will be Chilli padi's birthday. And ouh yeah. Today is RIYA's birthday!! Happy birthday girl! Finally you're 18! Woohoo!

Hey, I actually have alot of things to do at home but I'm too lazy. Haha! I rather sleep! Gonna find recipes for Hari Raya treats soon. I think I want to "Puasa enam". Cause, when you think about it right, you'll gain loads of weight the first few days of puasa. All the food and treats and the sugary drinks. Man! Imagine that. Set to lose loads! Gonna make myself happier (and get mp3 from Meow2. It was a bet between me and him.) So, see ya!

cuteness.and.happiness

2005-10-12T21:04:00.000+08:00

Something cute just happened.

My handpone rang off it's annoying tone to indicate that I've just recieved a message. It was from HIM's cousin. He texted me, "U...i sakit.." . Hehe! Cuteness right? He fell sick today and complained to me. Aww..manje nye. Haha! Like as if I can do anything to cure his sickness. So, I sent him off to bed after telling him to take medicine. So, now, my phone is silent and I'm free the whole night!

Now, the song playing on my laptop is "The Day You Went Away" by M2M. Haish, this song never fails to make me cry. Listen to the lyrics close and you definitely can cry if you imagined it well enough.
* _ *
Sometimes, I think that people are just more contented with what they can see. Other than feel. You know, if somethings looks good, it's worth the take. No matter how hard it is for you to get the stuff. For example, mp3s. If it looks good but costs a bomb, do you bother? Sometimes, this relates to people too. If someone looks appealing, everyone is after him/her. So, does inner beauty count anymore? Shout to me!

the.choice.is.up.to.you

2005-10-11T21:12:00.000+08:00

Just finally got round to update for today. Haha!

I always go round and read my links blog ok. Don't think I don't. Sometimes I read more than once a day! Haha! That's how bored I am at home.

Yeah! Went out with ERNIE today. Although she was just wearing the pink top and jeans, she looks as stunning as ever! Haha! Jealousy strikes. When we alight at Jurong East to change train, I saw Ghuf, Amirul (Lee's sec sch young crush!) and their friend. They couldn't keep their eyes off of her. Wow! Keep staring all the way till City Hall. They even have time to say something behind our backs. Haha! But not in a bad way.

Initial plan of going to Esplanade was scraped cause when we went down the escalator, we decided to turn round and headed for Bugis. But made a small detour and headed for Robinson's at Raffles City to see LATIP, the person HIM's cousin is so awed by. Haha!

Then I bought a bag at Bugis for school, Ernie couldn't find the bag she wanted. Then after that gedebak gedebuk we met Alipo at City Hall MRT. Haha! Then separate ways.

Saw Fadhilah at Bt Batok MRT. Haha! I seem to meet people at MRTs today huh? Haha! Thought of waiting for HIM's cousin to meet me there but too bad. He's too slow to come. So I left without him.

All I needed was normalcy in my life. And for that fraction of time I forgot that you betrayed me.

Took this photo on the way home from City Hall by myself. Nice huh? Adobe edits only colour contrast.

14 & 23.bridge.and.tunnel.authority

2005-10-11T09:40:00.000+08:00

Everyday, a new layer unfolds from you. And I get to see the sickening truth.
Truly sick.
Truly evil.
Truly inhumane.
As Meow2 said it, " Jantan sial".
I don't bother to layan.
But as a good friend, I answered each and every single question he shot at me.
Hey! At least I'm not bad tempered and selfish, Like you!

28th September, you've been lying quite seriously with me. Why didn't you tell me? At least, I'd stop hoping from that day. I realised another thing. That date was actually the day after he got the handphone. Wow! How wonderful! Come, give me all you've got baby. I can take you on. If it's a game of hearts you want, you got it!

Meow2 was the most supporting one! Thanks for having my back. Lee and Meow2 are like right and left hand man (err..woman). They are THE coolest people I know and I love them to bits! Meow2, what were you hoping for him again? That his girl would play him around too? Hmm..I would LOVE to see that happening. If that truly happens, don't come crying to me babes cause you've just got hit with a healthy dose of KARMA baby!

PS: Sorry to sound bitchy but I'm damn hurt!

The lovely couple that I Love the most!! Muacks!! sayang korang!!

twisted.dreams.n.hollowed.nitemares

2005-10-10T12:09:00.000+08:00

Maybe I should hate you for this
Never really did ever quite get that far

Decided that it's best for all of us. My heart still aches when I know my trust to you both was taken so lightly. It's all been a game for the two of you. My trust was made fun of. My naivity made it much more of a thrilling game for you. Hah! You two were the chess masters and I'm just a chess piece on the board. Fun game to be playing right?

So, it's decided. After you never fail to haunt my dreams every night for the past month, I've decided that it's better for me if I acted as though I don't know you or your "brother". It's like a waste of time for me. I'm always the one who initiates an apology even though I'm not at fault. Sometimes, I'm too nice and people step all over me and make use of me. Damn! I hate that!

See. I'm still a nice person n protected your identity. Friends who know just know. You don't know then, they remain anonymous.

much.love

2005-10-09T20:27:00.000+08:00

Sweet lil dude isn't he? Suddenly I was thinking about all my cousins. Lee and Mimie have met this dude. He has a reputation. Hehehe! Anyhoes, look what he was up to in the wedding ceremony?

Always being the center of attention. Don't ask me what he was doing but as you can see, he has an itchy butt. He has to stand out from his other cousins. Mischievious dude!

Thanks to Lee, Mirta, Ain and Liza for the love and cheer ups. Was really glad you guys are there for me. I just felt betrayed and used. Hard to move on. But I will eventually. Karma, as Liza said. I believe in that. Sweep also said "Whatever you send out, you'll get three times back at it to you". But that's Wicca.

Luv to alipO, the pampered but not spoilt boy.

took.my.heart.spit.on.it.and.stomp.it.on.the.ground

2005-10-09T02:00:00.000+08:00

Why am I up so late at night and blogging?

Cause 2 and half hours ago, something happened. Man! It was a total suprise to me. Apparently he got hitched up with the girl at his previous workplace, the one he talked to on the phone for so long when he was hanging out with me, Lee and Meow2. Yups! It was like everything he told me was a lie. I remembered asking him once. If the girl likes you how? You know what he answered? I will tell her exactly the same thing I did to you. That I'm not ready for a relationship.

Yeah, not ready for a relationship my foot! You were just trying to avoid me. You wanted her and didn't know what else to say to me. Why didn't you pluck up the courage to just tell me? My heart felt like the final shard of glass had been pulled out and its just left there to bleed. I'm bleeding at your hipocracy.

Now you're all mad at me and stuff. How is it possible that you can twist all my words around and make it sound as though I'm the one at fault? I'm truly amazed. Hey! I'm the one who got lied to here! Not only by you but by your "brother" too! Sheesh!

Part of me just want to scream out! I can't go to sleep cause of this. I slept for 1 hour and 45 minutes and woke up. My mind still racing with questions and accusations. PArt of me felt sorry for being too demanding on you. As you said I was but I didn't ask for much do I? All I wanted was just honesty and a fresh start at our friendship. Is that too much that I'm asking for?

Well, at least one thing's for sure. Whatever HIM's cousin said was right. If a guy is still not attached to you but make promises of future, do not fall in for their words. They just can't think of better words to say other than NO. Believe this single girls out there. Do not be like me and fall for a sweet talker!

And yeah Mr Ken Haris, me and HIM's cousin are just friends ok. Haha! Don't be so hehe! I don't know. I know you play play only. Sengaje want to write your name here. Haha!

dead.beat

2005-10-08T19:18:00.000+08:00

Left house today at about 12pm. Was sent to Lee's house.

Me, Lee, her mom and sis wanted to go to Geylang (gasp!). Never would I thought that I wanted to go to Geylang. Not my favourite place in Singapore (alongside Little India). Maybe cause I was bored to hell that I decided to follow.

Man! What a shopper her mom was. We went around Geylang from 1 to 5.15pm. Gosh! Can't believe I was there that long. Stumbled upon 2 clothes that I wanted to buy. One is $84 and the other was $90. Not really sure if my mom allow me to buy the $90 one cause it's kinda see through at the top part.

Haha! Maybe if can I buy that and a cheap baju kurung. Be alittle bit more traditional. Hehe! So go out with the family can wear nice traditional ones and friends wear something nicer. Hehe! My family from both sides of my parents are especially conservative and will say things if they see me wearing that thing. I'm always picked on since I'm one of the few elder ones in the family. Dang! Stop complaining will you all!

Saw Khairul at pasar Geylang. Man! He works there selling flowers! Hehe.. saw us and tried to sell us flowers. Hehe! So cute lah that dude! He wore a purple tee shirt. Like first time I see him in something like that. Haha!

I suddenly have this urge. A feeling in my stomach. No, not that kind of feeling. I guess I just miss someone when I saw the couples at Geylang. I miss the intimacy definitely. Haish, I miss that toot! Man! Slap me cause I deserved to be. I'm such an idiot feeling like this after all that has happened. How dumb am I?

2005-10-08T10:33:00.000+08:00

butterflies.in.the.mirror

Hi.may.I.help.You?

2005-10-07T10:27:00.000+08:00

Yesterday was a damn busy on the phone day.

After maghrib, people keep asking me to call them. Apparently, their asses are bored and need someone to talk to. So, being a nice girl (ehem!!), I called them up one by one. Called Hairil, HIM's cousin and my ungrateful friend. Yes, we're talking to each other and I'm the one who vulgarised on him yesterday! Yes!! And he took it as though I was playing around. Haha! You have no idea how I meant every word.

Ernie!! Here's an entry back at ya! HIM HIM HIM tak abes-abes. I also can! Hehe!! I love you too darling! HIM's cousin! hehe!!

Yeah and alipo wanted me to do this.

7 things that scare me :
1. dying
2. parents talking about dying
3. anything that I imagine crawling up the stairs to my room
4. not holding strong to my faith and belief
5. my sister's temper
6. being labeled
7. unrequited love

7 things that i love most ;
1. Parents
2. Sister
3. Brother
4. Best Buddy Lee
5. Other Friends
6. Laptop
7. Music

7 important things in my room ;
1. Laptop
2. Bed
3. Clothes
4. Books
5. TV
6. Marshmellow duck courtesy of Felicia from last year birthday
7. Mirror

7 random facts abt me ;
1. I'm ugly yes I am
2. I do things following my mood
3. I'm vengeful
4. I'm not cute lah please!
5. People call me emokid
6. My right leg is longer than my left leg
7. I'm a lazy arse freak.

7 things i plan to do b4 i die ;
1. Get a boyfriend
2. Then get married
3. After so, get kids.
4. Be happier
5. solve everyone's misery
6. to be a better muslim
7. To be a better daughter

7 things i can do;
1. On the laptop for more than half a day
2. sleep with my legs crossed
3. lose myself in music
4. dig nose in public! (heaheahea!!)
5. talk on the phone, listen to music, surf the web AND chat on MSN
6. clean my room when I have the mood
7. bubble my friends! hehehe..

7 things i cant do ;
1. get my brother a girlfriend
2. be totally disciplined
3. run properly
4. TOTALLY accept someone for who they are. (I'm evil, I know)
5. Love a girl romantically
6. ignore my best buddy
7. forget myself and be stupid around town.

7 words i say most ;
1. hi
2. Wassup?
3. hyukdush!
4. haha
5. haish
6. yups!
7. eh?

7 celeb crush ;
1. johnny depp
2. Heath Ledger
3. ashton krutcher
4. Jesse Bradford
5. Sean Biggerstaff (cute accent in Harry Potter)
6. Jonathan Rhys Meyers
7. Adam Brody

7 peeps i love to see do this ;
1. Ernie
2. Mirta
3. Ajik
4. Laila
5. Ken
6. Mimie
7. Shweet dumpling
*alip0 (but he already did this..hmm..)

Totally random stuff. Hey! I'm bored and Alipo is my friend what. What he wants he gets ok? Haha! Spoilt kid! Haha! Well, back to my reading! So bored these days with nothing good to do and all I can do is stay home and go Bt Gombak Bazzar. Damn! I need to get out of here!

productive.day

2005-10-06T17:17:00.000+08:00

It's been quite a productive day for the lazy arse me.

What have I done? Hmm.. basically, clean up my side of the room and made a new skin! You like? Lee is also featured in this skin. Cool huh? I just like that picture of hers. It's like so damn cute! Ouh yeah! And I also checked my results for my 1st Semester in Ngee Ann. Check it out. Click on the image to see a larger version.

There you go. Pathetic isn't it. Damn! Wished I've worked harder for my daily projects since we're not accessed by exams. Next semester than! I shall not slack!

Been preoccupying myself with lots of things to do so that I shall not be emo. I don't want to think about him if I can. I wanna get over whatever it was.

Tag me!

happy.fasting

2005-10-05T12:32:00.000+08:00

Well, won't exactly be happy for me but I'm controlling my anger. Feeling very hollowed out now.

Yesterday, finally, we fought. We spoke our minds to each other. Not exactly speak but communicate our thoughts. If it really have come to this, I respect that. Just do whatever that makes you happy ok? So long as you're happy my friend. Refuse to listen to logic explanations. Keep thinking about yourself ok? Keep being selfish if that really makes you satisfied. I'm no longer holding a candle for you. Let alone a matchstick. You want me to care for you as a friend but when I tried to do that, you want more. You want me to give you more than what I can possibly give to a friend. When I asked for the same, did you give it to me? I find this all very biased my dear.

I hope you find a better person to understand you. Apparantly I'm not the right girl to do so. I was too caring for you. I liked you too much for my own good. Finally, you're rid of me. Are you happier now? I wish you all the best with NS, with you finding a job and in relationships. I may not be around as much but if you need a friend to listen to you, I'll be here. I don't usually let my friends down. You wouldn't be any different.

I wish I could turn back time and erase you from my memory. Erase the pain you've inflicted on me.

he'll.never.understand

2005-10-04T14:12:00.000+08:00

Still too ticked off to update much. Just glad that my best friend is there for me when I needed her. Thanks alot Lee!! Love you to bits! One day I treat you ok?

She'll Never Understand by Matchbook Romance

leave a message on your phone
just to find out you're not home
keeping up with you is something i could never do
and i know something's wrongcause you've been gone too long
a fucking waste of my time is all that you've become

if i can't be the guy that you've always wanted me to be
if i can't say the words that you always wanted me to say
if i fall in the end, will you be holding on to me?
because you, you said you'd never leave me

the choice is up to you
to find out what to do
to let it go or keep kicking me to the side
i'm getting tired of your shit
and i can't deal with it
i gave up giving in, and now it's time to say goodbye

if i can't be the guy that you've always wanted me to be
if i can't say the words that you always wanted me to say
if i fall in the end, will you be holding on to me?
because you, you said you'd never leave me

with me, stay with me...

if i can't be the guy that you've always wanted me to be
if i can't say the words that you always wanted me to say
if i fall in the end, will you be holding on to me?
because you, you said you'd never leave
you, you said you'd never leave
you, you said you'd never leave me

Exactly how I feel now. If I don't reply your MSN messages, just know that I'm feeling a lil bit anti social and I apologise.

FUCK.YOU

2005-10-03T12:53:00.000+08:00

FUCK every single lie you told me. FUCK every promise you gave me. FUCK every kiss you ever gave me. FUCK every hugs you've given. FUCK those days I've wasted with you. FUCK those times when I thought you felt the same way I do. FUCK those "I Love You"s that ever came your way. FUCK those days I cared for you. FUCK the times I miss you constantly. FUCK the times you call my name and it seems like the world is just us. FUCK the days you soothe me with caring words. FUCK the times you make me go weak in the knees. FUCK those stupid moments when I felt you're the one I care for. FUCK your honesty. FUCK your dignity. FUCK your truth. FUCK the resource I spent on you. FUCK the moment I'd gone through ends to make you smile. FUCK those moments you embarass me in front of others. FUCK your uncontrollable anger which I've put up with. FUCK the moments you felt like others don't matter, only you! FUCK your selfishness. FUCK every single night I've wasted with you. FUCK your stupid cliche nitch to make me happy. FUCK those stupid days. FUCK you naive juni.

Fuck off if you find this entry disturbing to read. Friends know I'm not like this.

finally.a.smile.on.your.face

2005-10-01T22:25:00.000+08:00

Taken by Imran at Esplanade waterfront. All is well and good for everyone. Well, almost. See that smile on my face? Doesn't it look a little bit too fake? But it is a nice picture. So sweet. No edit needed. So cool.

I talked Lee and Siti to play "Pepsi Cola" with me. Seeing that it is Children's day after all. We need to rejoice and celebrate the inner child in us. Won 2 rounds out of 5. Not bad lah eh. Then we all left there about 8pm. Jeeks need to go to Woodlands for kenduri and I had to be home.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY SHAIFI!! Legal boy. 18 years old already. Congrats!

Dragged abang an and buddy to Esplanade to hang out. Then abang dragged me to Marina Square for a "date". Haha! Sweet date I should say. He's definitely sweet for dates even if it's for a while.

Mixed emotions when I saw him just now. Seriously! Happy, angry, sad, suspicious, excited, anticipated and confused all rolled into one. He was damn mad when he didn't answer his girl friend's call. Was cursing himself. I heard. I don't know how to feel!! Shit!! Ok, gonna stop before I break down again.

PS: My online photo album really is full now. Alot of pictures. Hehe.. eye candies!

baby.i.love.you

2005-09-30T13:47:00.000+08:00

Got this lil message from friendster. Read 'em and weep.

Jane is a typical college girl who enjoyslife to the fullest.She loves her boyfriend so much and texts him every now and then.

Mark is Jane's boyfriend who works in acall center in Los Angeles.He's always busy doing so many things.He only manage to reply to Jane's textswhen he got off from work.

One time, Mark receive a message from Jane : "Hi baby ! How are you ? I miss you ! Callmy house when u get home..take care ! I loveyou !"Mark ignored the message because he always receive the same message whenever it is time for him to go home from work.

"Baby, I miss you...did u eat yet ?! Take carewhen you get home ! I'll be waiting for yourcall...I love you !""Baby, where are you ?! It's unfair that youdont reply to my texts...well, I'm just gonna wait for your call...I love you !"

Mark reaches home and lay on his bed.The last time he knew is that he's reading Jane's text.He was so tired he fall asleep and wasn'table to return Jane's call.He can still hear his phone beeps but he'stoo tired to take a glimpse on the message.

When he woke up the next day, he remembersthat he needs to call Jane.He ignored the messages and dialed to Jane.No one answering in her house.He called up her cellphone and he wassurprised that her father answered the call.In his voice you can feel his tears and hear his heart tearing apart."Mark, why havent you called ? Jane waswaiting for your call all night !""Dad, I'm sorry. I fell asleep being so tired from work...I was calling ur house but no onewas answering. Where are you ? So I can come over."

"Just meet me at Jane's house."Mark went to Jane's house and much tohis surprised he saw a lot of people inside.The house were so lighted but you cansee the gloom on every person you'llmeet there.He was greeted by Jane's mom on tears.She hug him tight and cried on his shoulders."Jane was waiting for you. She didnt comewith us because she was waiting for your call.She was killed by robbers that broke inour house. She's gone, Mark. She's gone."

"Thats impossible...she texted me...how couldthis happen ?!"Mark can't look who's inside the coffin.He can't move and it feels like his wholebody is stuck on the chair he's seating on.He wanted to cry but it seems thatsomething is blocking his tears to fall down.He turned to his phone and read the messagesof Jane."Baby, I'm not coming with my mom and dad..I'm just gonna wait for your call....""Baby...I'm so scared...It seems like theressomeone downstairs...please call me now !""Babe....someones here...they might killme...please call me now, where are you ?I need you here..!!""Baby....I love you !..."He wanted to shout and cry so loud.It's true that Jane is waiting for his call.Up to her last breath she only thinks about him.He stared at Jane inside the coffin.

Suddenly tears starts flowing down his cheeks.He can't say anything.The only words he uttered..."My baby, I'm so sorry ! I could have known,I could have fought for you ! I'm really sorry !I love you so much !"Now, post this right after u've read it.. onliif u reali luv sumone enuf to do so.

See how a text message could have saved someone's life? Man! I'm totally freaked if I kept messaging my guy and he doesn't reply and will die the next day. But, I won't be as stupid lah. The guy can always call my cell right? I could have gone with my parents while waiting for the call. In the end, if the guy didn't call, I'd probably be damn frustrated! Well, that's me.

sleepless.nites.in.bukit.batok

2005-09-29T12:10:00.000+08:00

Finally, I've been able to phantomise what I truly am feeling now.

I'm confused. Just plain confused. Many text messages had been sent out to you but did you reply any one of them? Don't say you've run out of prepaid value cause you just topped it up 2 days ago with me as a witness. I guess you're caught up with your new buddy. "Die kawan je lah" with a tinge of happiness in your voice that you've succeeded to make me jealous once again. Why do you have to do that? Haven't I told you enough times that I truly like and care for you? Do you need proof?

Why am I wasting my time pouring my emotions in this blog when I know you don't read it? Well, guess it's the only way to say what my heart truly feels. You told me before that you're not into emo stuff cause the lyrics are too crappy right? Well, wake up buddy cause I'm an EMOKID a third of the time. I try not to be emo but why must you make me feel shitty? Damn the days I've spent trying to convince you that you've definitely stolen my heart and now you've broken it to a thousand pieces.

I told Lee, I decided not to care anymore. Please let me be strong. Let him come and look for me and not the other way round. If he truly cares or even bothers, he'll come looking for me. In the meanwhile, I try to look at the brighter side of life without him. Heck, we weren't even together in the first place! Haha! Now I feel silly. You can get over it quick girl! There are better guys out there who deserve me (I guess?). Haha! Well, I better get ready to emo some more at Bukit Gombak Stadium. Any other depressed lonely hearts out there to join me?

corpse.bride

2005-09-28T17:48:00.000+08:00

"With this hand, I shall carry all your sorrows. This cup will never be empty cause I will always be your wine"

Yeah, I just watched the corpse bride. Nice movie. Eventhough the quality of the VCD sucked. So, it's not totally clear. 3/5 I shall say.

I've wasted too many tears. I've left many memories in my head. Why do I still hold on? Let go Juni. Just let go!! Let him do whatever he wishes to do. If he found someone new to play with, isn't it good for you? Why not move on and find someone worth to share your happiness and sorrows together? Why not find someone to share your love with?

My friends, Lee and Meow2. I really love you guys. I wish for your best. You two have never failed to make a little room for me in your life. I know I'm like a gooseberry sometimes but I really appreciate you guys doing this for me. The late nights of whining from me. Thanks for tolerating. I really LOVE you guys! I think you guys understand me alot.

Learning to move on might not be easy. I've made this choice by my own. To leave when I'm still not in the bottomless pit called love. If he misses/wants/likes me to say the least, he'll find me. He knows how to.

emo.kid.

2005-09-28T13:13:00.000+08:00

Yes, Mirta called me an emo kid and my buddy also did that. So, am I an emo kid? I guess pretty much so. Let's see another one shall we?

There you have it folks. I'm an emo kid. Got to live like that from now on eh? I try not to be emo but why the people around me never fail to make me cry? Why do sadness fills my heart constantly? Why do I need to show my emotions?

I don't think you'll feel anything if I disappear from your life. You can handle it well without me. I know you're strong to go on without anyone in your life. Life sucks for you huh? Well, it sucks for me too. Have you ever thought how I felt when you do what you did to me? Is this some kind of a game to you? Playing with my emotions have been fun huh? Juni is such a sucker to fall for your tricks. I feel so used. I feel like all this while you were just playing me. To see how far I'd go to satisfy your greed for entertainment. If I'm what you said I am, why entertain me? Why can't you just stand up to me and say that one small word to make me stop? Why can't you just say "NO!"?

I know all this is accusations to make me feel better. I feel alittle better but not totally. I need to sort out my feelings and face it head on. I need to know the real truth. I need to know if this feeling is one-sided or if you feel like this too. I know I'm confused and I feel like you are too. Please speak your mind. Or I shall forever be left confused and my mind will not be in peace.

would.you.care

2005-09-27T22:31:00.000+08:00

Would you care
If I'm no longer here
Would you care
If I found someone new
Would you care
If I don't hold you the way I did
Would you care
If I ever existed at all?

I wouldn't care
If you found happiness with another
I wouldn't care
If I bleed to make you smile
I wouldn't care
If you found someone new
I wouldn't care
To care at all.

Man! Feeling so emo-ish right now. The above is me fighting with myself. Seriously. Been having doubts about myself lately. About what I'm doing now. I'm not feeling secured enough to be in this shit. I feel like I can't commit myself. I still have others to think for. Can I truly say that I don't care? Sometimes I really do. Sometimes, I don't. Conflicting and contradicting all mixed up in this one mambo jumbo of a hell of junk!

Emo first reared its ugly head in me this afternoon. On my way to Peninsula. Heard the song Only One sung by Yellowcard. Man! Listening to that never fails to make me cry cause I always think of one person when I hear that. Can't imagine I still hang on to him. Why? I mean, it has already been 4 years! Damn shit!

Haish, better stop emo-ing now. Got to go.

bored.to.the.extent.of.boredom

2005-09-26T15:36:00.000+08:00

Haha! Ignore the title please.

Listening to Kingston Town now and the sunny cool weather makes me wants to just go out and enjoy the sun. You know, go to the beach or the least to say, West Coast Park and enjoy a cup of Double Chocolate Frappe from McCafe. Dang! Too bad I'm fasting now. Haha!

Not been doing anything much now. Just chilled at home, did the laundry, read Dark Magick Sweep series by Cate Tiernan and listening to some music on my iTunes. Ouh yeah, and talked to buddy also this morning before falling back to sleep. Haha!

I feel like I'm being watched by people sometimes. You know, some people do read my blog but never leave any tags. Just read and snoop about my life written here and never really talk to me about it. I mean, if you read, please let your presence known to me. I know Lee's friend read my blog but honestly speaking, I don't know her. So speak up and make friends with me. I won't bite. I know I'm babbling alot now. It's cause I'm bored.

My sister and I is fasting together today. My dad is furious with her for not being able to pay back her full 15 days by ramadhan. She procrastinates alot. So yeah, I don't blame her for procrastinating. I know she's that type of girl. I'm beginning to understand how she's like. She's a preteen full of angst in her. Haha! Sometimes but most of the times. Hmm.. what am I talking about? Ok, she's a angsty teen most of the times. Haha! But when she's in a good mood, she's really nice.

So, tomorrow, I'm going to Lee's house to borrow her Sublime CD and then off to Peni to buy my sis the tee shirt she wanted. My Chemical Romance tee. Haha! That's the most I let her go. I mean, My Chemical Romance is so mainstream now of course I let her listen. It's popularised by MTV already. What the hay! Alot of people are listening to them. But please, do not mix up your genres. If you do not know music, do not label.

Ouh yeah, something that Ija said yesterday really tickled my tummy. When I told her my handphone has some reggae ringtones in it, she immediately thought it was reggaeton. I mean, it's like way different please my dear. Then she got all red in the face. Hehe.. Never mind. People are bound to mistake different music genres. Nowadays music is totally mixed up. You can't totally say Punk Rock when the lyrics is filled of emo stuff. Haha! I even confuse myself sometimes.

Ok, now I'm totally crapping. I got to now and find a way to kill time till it hits 7om. Haha! Ciao all! Leave me a tag!

dumb.reminders

2005-09-25T23:58:00.000+08:00

In case you guys forget, let me remind you that this is the tee shirt that I want so badly. Hey, it's worth the steal ok? I just love Less Than Jake so much and I think the colour combo is really nice. The front of the tee is hilarious!

Just came back from a very nice dinner at Segar Restaurant with Cik Man and his family and Ija's adeq bradeq and my family. Kind of a family dinner lah. Nice restaurant. I placed the order for the kiddies. Me and Ija decided what they should eat. Beef Baby Kailan and Lemon Chicken with plain rice then dessert. Haha!

Was seriously nice seeing Ija again after so long. I mean she was in a good mood today. Ouh yeah.. we got flowers from the kenduri being the last few to leave and they were like clearing up stuff. So yeah.. wanna see my flower? haha! Ok, it's on my ear but so what? I know someone is so gonna call me a minah after seeing this picture. haha!

Ok peeps. I got to go and rest now. Will be fasting tomorrow. See ya!

2005-09-24T22:44:00.000+08:00

not sure if u can see the saosin one..from cinder block again..

2005-09-24T22:42:00.000+08:00

My Fave band!! My most favourite tee in the cinder block series!! please buy this for me!! pls!!

2005-09-24T22:41:00.000+08:00

green day tee from cinder block..anyone wanna buy for me?

2005-09-24T22:40:00.000+08:00

Anti flag tee from cinder block..

solace.of.demour

2005-09-24T16:27:00.000+08:00

Just turned my head to the tv and saw a guy bumped into the butler carrying a tray full of doughnuts. hyuk hyuk hyuk.

Blah! Been bored and gorging myself in food today. PMS I guess. Alermak. Shite man! Emotional whirlwind again. One moment happy, one moment kicking myself in the arse and another moment just wanting to yell at someone. One thing is for sure, low esteemed me, and oh yeah, piggy me. I want to avoid PMS but it's inevitable. Whoever is not in my good books and annoy/irritate me I'll whack the person full force. Not physically but with words. Thats not good. Haish..

Buddy called me in the morning. Worked early today. Gonna end at 8.30pm. If only I can go out at night, I'll surely be meeting him after work. Chill, relaxs, hang out for awhile. It's been awhile since I hung out with him. haish..miss my buddy.

Lee! I mish her too but I already went out with her yesterday. She looked so cute wearing what she wore. The shirt from Thailand, the short denim skirt and her pinstripe converse sneaks. She also tied up her now long rebonded hair and her new red bordered black rimmed spectacles. Cool style she got! She really knows how to dress up unlike me. Haha! Juni is just a plain jane compared to Liyana. Everyone can see that. Oh yeah, at night when my parents wanted to grab a dinner, a few lecherous old men (late 20s early 30s) whistled at her when they saw her. One even stared hard and long at her legs! Man! What a disgusting sight! She turns head all right but sometimes in a wrong way. I'm there to protect her. hehe.. I'm like a saviour or something. Haha!

Well, will end my rants here. Gonna find a way to entertain/amuse myself now. See ya!

lack.of.words.to.say

2005-09-23T23:08:00.000+08:00

Not much happened.

Chalet..gedebak gedebuk. Finish.

ok go!

envy.smothering.me

2005-09-21T13:52:00.000+08:00

Yea, envious to the max.

I don't know why. I feel kind of blank now. Totally empty. I think I'm going insane just staying at home. Doing nothing, while waiting, waiting for the electrician to come. Haish, electrician, please come fast.

I want to go out. But no direction. I could go to Peni to see him on his first day today. Hehe.. buddy is so happy to get this job. Buddy, I mish u. Aww.. haha!!

But the thing is, I'm too lazy to move my lazy arse to go to central area. I just want to go out and look and see people. Just gazing out and looking at people perhaps.

Tomorrow is the day that we'll be heading off to East Coast Chalet! Woohoo! Best! Heard got sheesha, movie marathon and skank party after maghrib tomorrow. I want buddy to come! Buddy! Come arh. Please.

I want to express these feelings
But how could I if I don't know what it is
I know the feeling is there
Please tell me

lazy.days

2005-09-20T22:29:00.000+08:00

Well, scrape the idea of looking for a job.

First thing, coz ramadhan is coming, so if I work, hard for me.
Second thing, no jobs close to home. According to dad, nearer is better.
Last thing, not totally having 2 whole months to work. hehe..

So, I'm left at home to just chill, do housework, clean up, buang nasi. Haha!

I'm currently working on a new blogskin. Not working till now cause the background picture is always too small for the whole screen. Can someone help me? Please?

Went Peni bought 2 tee shirts today. Less Than Jake and Sublime. Hehe. Intended to buy the brown and white face of Atreyu and The Used print but told that it was sold out! Oh wells. So, I bought the Sublime Tee instead. Hehe..

Tomorrow my 3rd day of fasting. Hmm.. then will continue fasting my last 2 days next Monday and Thursday. Hehe. I can't wait for Thursday! Chalet! Hope he can make it though he will start working tomorrow. But I never told him need to pay $3 cause I'm secretly gonna pay for him. Shhush!! Jangan bilang sape2..

Well, gonna work on my skin again while watching CSI: Miami. My fave! hehe

im.bored.

2005-09-19T15:55:00.000+08:00

Bored.hungry.tired

Tried to kill time by bloghopping people. No use. Not much people update. Haha!

Tried to call him but he never pick up phone. Wait, just mesagged me. Haha!

Tried to control hunger. And still controlling.

Tried to resist and resisting.

not.like.any.other.sundays

2005-09-18T23:00:00.000+08:00

I saw Alipo skank!!! Woot wee~!!

Start from the top shall we?

Started off planning to sleep in for today. I didn't want to go in the first place. But dragged myself up from slumber 15 mins before I'm supposed to enter class. Then after the normal class, my dad picked me up so that the family could go to Republic Poly for Parkway Family Day. Ok, it wasn't exactly a hoo-ha! Me and sis entertained ourselves instead in the pouring rain. She kept singing Lady Lumps (?) to me. Haha! And we kept dancing in the rain. Hehe..

Then when we decided to head home. Cause the rain was getting really really horrible. I got ready for the Sembawang CC gig. Kind of wasted that I went arh. Coz alot of OI, hardcore, metal bands. Only one ska and one ska punk band. Haha! Ouh wells, wanna show support right? Then I skanked like mad again. As usual. Dah lame tak skank right? So skanked my ass off. Kept running to Alipo cause I was mesmerised to see him Skanking!!

Then there was this all oi girl band band arh. Nice voice to say actually. Then after their performance, don't know why but they got quite a thrashing. Eggs, crackers and cigarette butts were thrown mercilessly at their direction. One of them even got into a fight with another Chinese Oi girl. Man! Seram sejuk ku melihat dua gadis bertelingkah sebegitu. Ish!

Then after FPM played (and after I saw Alipo tire out from skanking..hehe ), I decided to get home. Dragged the others to get home with me too. Went to Cuaseway, eat at Burger King then went home. Meow2 and Lee went to Jurong East apparently. Hehe..he want to send her off. Haha..

Kind of a rush rush day have to say. Rush to get everywhere. Tomorrow I'm gonna fast! haha!! Believe it. Cause I have to pay back. haha!! Ok, gonna sleep now. Leave some message people!

caught.trapped.in.silence

2005-09-16T19:37:00.000+08:00

promised myself that I would take a short nap before going to religious class. After penning down this entry anyways.

Ok, have you ever felt that you truly liked someone? Then in other times to come, you just look at him/her and see no more sparks flying? Like suddenly, you rather he/she not be who you are liking now. But just want to hold on to for reasons like pity/self-pity/for the sake of it?

just wondering if you guys felt like this before.

Just finished personalising my friendster account. Check it out ok?

medical.attn.pls

2005-09-16T10:47:00.000+08:00

My temperature that was the highest yesterday was 38 degrees.

Now, its gone down to 37.4 degrees after I woke up from sleep.

Dang it! It's been so long since I fell sick. Why do I have to be sick during this time? I need to pay back my puase seh! 5 days. Planning to do that next week.

Ramadhan is on 3rd October people! Are you guys prepared? I know I'm not.

Mark offered me a job as a nanyang optical promoter at junction 8. Should I? Definitely got perks if I work there. Hmm.. it pays $5/hr. Working hours is 1030 to 2130. Very late. No shifts. So, it's hard. Might as well, not work, stay at home. Make my mom happy.

Had 5 slices of pizza yesterday! Wee~! My craving has been fulfilled. Hehe.. The last time I ate pizza was on national day! Haha!

Ouh yeah. MMC MALAY GIRLS!! Me and Mirta planning to go to Sentosa on the 28th September. Will you please make the day free? Meet us at Harbourfront bus station at 10am. It's all an girl thing so leave your boyfriends behind ok?

friction.in.life

2005-09-15T20:42:00.000+08:00

I miss Lee!!

Now lying in bed. Think im running down with a sickness or something. My throat is irritatingly dry no matter how much mineral water i drink. My nose is blocked. My body feels very lathargic.

My mom just asked me to order Canadian pizza. Will be arriving soon I guess. Ordered Calamari, hawaiian n tandoori pizza. hmm..cant wait! I will drag my sick body to the living room.

Actually, I arrived home like only an hour ago. Went to pick abang an up at JP. booked put today. He got loads of story to tell i must say. Never mind. I like that he talks alot.

Then went to Yishun, intending to drop them off for their session and I'll be off to peni with lee and meow2. but kak Zilla psycho me not to go. Ouh, well. Then we went to mac. they played the guitar awhile. we chilled. nina so cute! cant stand her! Haha!

Then went home..

Just heard the pizza guy coming. Got to go munch now! SEe ya!

of.boys.n.solitude.in.a.small.island

2005-09-14T22:13:00.000+08:00

Well, went on a ferry today. To Tekong. To see my bro graduation parade. Haha!

It was nice. Something refreshing. Was greeted at the gate of Changi jetty by hunks in green. Seriously, everywhere I turn, they are there. I had to close my eyes. Too many = not good.

Then boarded the ferry at 2pm. Wow! Thank god I didn't get sick in the ferry. If not, it'd been disastrous. Was nice travelling to that small little island. The secenery of the sea captures my breath. Wow! Breathtaking to be on the sea. Hehe.

Took loads of pictures. Disturbed the people on duty also. I'm so bad. Haha! Then went off to the auditorium before heading out to the parade square to see the BMTC school 1 "graduates". Haha! Took video. See performance, formation, march past. All the way, my mom was damn excited and proud seeing my brother there. Well, I was proud too. That he served the nation.

Then there's this dude. So funny! He marched like he was baing chased by a tiger. Everyone laughed at him. My bro is the second best trainee! Woohoo!! One of the best Trainee is so cute cause he's so short and plump! So pudgy! Don't know why people started to go into fits of laughter seeing him there. Haiz, people, what makes you happy?

The trainer there got to say, alot of malay guys. Funny how there are so many of them in the Army. Cool! Kinda proud seeing them there and into their duty as a trainer.

There was this one part where the parents have to put on the cap for their son. My mom was rushing down to the parade square to meet my bro. So cute. Then she still got time to pose. Haiyoh! But it was sad seeing that some recruit doesn't have their caps on as their parents were not able to come. Imagine you seeing your friends with their parents and your parents are not with you? Saddening right?

Then after all is done, the boys threw their caps in the air and kept hugging and congratulating each other on their three months completion. So cute! Then went cameras started to show up in front of their faces, they were so enthu to get their pics taken. Man! This is what happens in the army!

Well, after that went home from there about 6.30pm? I guess. We were the last batch to leave the place. My bro was so glad to leave.

So, now I'm at home. Comfortable and safe.

Though I have the temptation to just jump into the sea just now. haha!!

Got to go!!

new.email.for.msn

2005-09-13T18:38:00.000+08:00

pls add me.. mydirtysecrets73@hotmail.com! Thanks!

2005-09-13T17:01:00.000+08:00

no updates so just thought of posting pictures..

turning.pt.of.events

2005-09-11T22:38:00.000+08:00

I'm always coming up with stupid titles don't you think?

Well, today send bro off at Pasir Ris. Then seeing my dad in a sickly ok mood, decided to try my luck and asked him about the chalet and the peni job.

Guess what?

The Peni job, he told me to check out all the stuff first. Like pay, working time, places to pray etc. If all this I found out from them and its good, will work there. For 6.5 weeks. Haha! Some income that can come in during this break. At least not lazying around home or lepak and waste time outside with friends, right dad?

The chalet, unfortunately can't overnite. But I'm looking on the bright side. At least can go. Maybe taking cab to go home. Maybe. Not sure. Haha! At least can go! Wee~!

Just kinda made a deal. Got to help out more with house chores. Mopping..vacumming and stuff like that. Oh wells, if I'm working I won't work Mon, Fri and Sunday. Haha! Other days can work and get $$. Hehe. I want to repay all the money I ever took out when I worked at Breeks. Not planning on using the money for other stuff.

Well, got to go! Tomorrow is presentation!! Gd luck to me and the rest!